Thirteen
I am just now starting to come down from the high of the weekend. I just wish it wasn't over already. I wish I had went to Tampa. I wish I were going to the show in Cincinnati too. Selfish, I know. Oh well, it was great and I am just still really thankful. I only wish Terry had been in the pit with me and I wish Logan could have been there too. He would have loved it even though they didn't play Lullaby which is his very favorite. He is downstairs now with Pictures of You cranked up in his room. I find the whole thing very comforting that my pre-teen likes The Cure almost as much as I do. Someday maybe, he can see them too.
So tomorrow is the one month mark for going raw. It seems that we are on a permanent course. I wondered if we would make it a month. It is much easier since Terry is eating the same way. At times we are all actually eating the same things. That is a rarity. The girls have taken a liking to a particular baby spinach salad with sun-dried tomatoes, capers, pine nuts, and balsamic vinaigrette that I make regularly now. Everything is raw except for the balsamic vinegar and I still haven't even tried to adjust that to be 100% raw. It works and it has made tons of progress happen in this house so I am not going to try to fix what isn't broken. The children are all going through their own little sugar cravings and fat cravings but I notice every day that they become more appreciative of the fruit and vegetables that are made available to them. I have gotten them to eat a lot of things they wouldn't even look at before.
Terry is going to need a whole new dresser full of pants as all of his fit him much like Omar the tent maker has been his personal tailor. He has to walk around with his hands in his pockets now to keep them up. His belts just make the waistband kind of scrunched up. Not really a good look for him. So, I am supposing that we will need to go shopping on payday and buy him pants. I, on the other hand, might be able to actually wear some of the clothes I already own soon. I have closet and drawers overflowing with things I have not been able to squeeze into for over a year. I can lay down on the bed and get my jeans zipped and buttoned and could stand around all day in them, but sitting isn't an option so that pretty much rules them out at least for another ten pounds. So far, in this first month, I have lost thirteen pounds.
I had decided not to set a goal weight because I was not really sure with my medical history and the ailments I have had for the last couple of years what my limitations were going to be. I didn't want to reach for the impossible and sabotage the whole thing from the beginning by depressing myself over how far it was to go. Besides, this isn't a diet. There is no stopping point once I reach a certain weight. There is a probably some weight I probably shouldn't go under but I find it really hard to believe I would ever be in danger of that! The lowest I have ever been since high school is 128 pounds. That is a good weight for me. When I get back there I will not only be impressed but an incredible degree happier trying to find something to wear every Saturday morning. If I don't hit any plateaus between here and there (which I inevitably will) it would take approximately two months. If I worked out more it might take less. Though the idea that muscle weighs more than fat would make my scale go up and down like a yoyo. I haven't exactly been exercising like I know I should. School will start up again in a couple of weeks and all of the assholes we live around will be out of our hair then we will start going to the pool every morning.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 30, 2004 at 09:04 AM
Cured
These were taken from my very perfect spot in the front row of the pit area center stage. I really was just in awe the whole time. I don't have a detailed review of the show or anything critical to say. I am just very happy that they are still doing what they do and that I lived long enough to get to see and hear it up close. They were fantastic. It was an excellent evening.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 25, 2004 at 11:32 PM
Don't Mock Me
Note to Self: Mock Mashed Potatoes using pulverized raw cauliflower still just tastes like cauliflower. Don't bother, it isn't worth getting the food processor messy.
The weekend we spent in Melbourne was pretty good. I am still tired. Seeing our friends from Iowa was really good. A good time was had by all. For example, there were six kids jumping back and forth between two queen size beds at ten o'clock at night screaming the monkeys jumping on the bed song at the top of their lungs. Terry and the children spent many hours getting thrashed by some waves and I brought home about five pounds of shells. The room was severely overpriced and everything in it was somewhat frightening but I got over it. However, the view from our bed was awesome. I could seriously get used to waking up to the sound of waves crashing against the shore and the sunrise pouring through the room.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 19, 2004 at 04:38 PM
Drill Me, Baby
It is only eleven o'clock and I have already gotten a filling, had Savannah's retainer installed, been to the grocery store, and fed the kids today. Why can't I be this productive every day?
While being drilled on I noticed I could feel it and my eyes popped open and I gave him that look. I am sure it resembles a look of panic. I was not panicking but just trying to politely let him know that I could feel the drill. He stopped for a second and then continued on without even offering to re-numb me. It wasn't intolerable enough for me to want to sit there and get another shot in the jaw and wait another fifteen minutes either.
He proceeded to tell me what an easy patient I am and that he had a big burly guy in there yesterday who cried and had to have the nurse hold his hand for the shot and then whimpered and moaned and cried the whole way through the procedure. He said that he understands that people have different pain thresholds but that this guy was just being a complete baby and that they were all embarrassed for him that he was doing so in public, even after he was clearly numb. He said that normally people are trying to jump out of the chair at the least bit of sensitivity but that he has to watch my eyes because I never flinch or move just give him a look with my eyes that says something is wrong. At an opportune moment when there were no tools or hands in my mouth I told him that Mommas are just tougher. Kind of hard to explain that a little drilling is nothing compared to being skewered through the abdomen several times or having a tube shoved up your inner arm through your muscle tissue and across your chest and down to your heart, or a tube ran up a vein in your thigh and up across your pelvis and shooting plastic beads into your arteries that feel like fire, or giving yourself shots into bruises on your stomach or having an NG tube shoved up your nose and then down your throat all while puking bile uncontrollably. Then there is the whole giving birth thing. Three times, even. Not that I had my choice in any of those circumstances but somehow a little half-assed sensitivity while drilling the teeth just doesn't seem so bad anymore. Some people don't even get numbed for fillings. I am not one of those people. I am not a pain junkie, I can just handle more than some. If there is a way to prevent it I am all for it.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 15, 2004 at 11:23 AM
It Is What It Is
Note to Self: Raw Carob Fudge Brownies do not taste remotely like Fudge or Brownies. Don't bother.
They are made of all organic raw ingredients. Namely: hazelnuts, dates, figs, walnuts, coconut, raisins, currants, almonds, and carob, blended up, pressed into a square and then walnuts pressed into the top. It looks sort of Brownie like. I never thought I would say there is such a thing as too sweet, but those things just are. Blah. I am growing to better appreciate the simplicity of sweet fruit.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 13, 2004 at 02:01 PM
Nine
This isn't going to turn into a weight loss journal as those are really boring and no one wants to read about the meals I eat that resemble mud pies and drinks that smell like a garden after a fresh rain. However, I do want to keep track of my progress so that as I read back I will know where I have been and how I got there. I am on day thirteen of eating raw. I have a hard time with the percentage of raw that I am eating because it is really just a guess in the dark and there are varying opinions on what is 100% and what is not. Some say sea salt some say not. Some say raw apple cider vinegar is the devil some (including me) say not. I am doing my best without beating myself up over the very tedious details of it all. So far I have lost nine pounds. My skin looks clearer. My body is even letting me drink fresh grapefruit and orange juice without trying to make me pass out from the pain. I haven't had to medicate myself at all since the beginning (knock on wood). Okay. That is all the progress for now.
In other news, Disney was a partial success, it is too freaking hot to endure that in July. Hope was perfectly happy with her adventure and is still talking about it. A good time was had by all, until of course, we all became cranky people and went home a tad early. Nevertheless, it all worked out. No one got sick. No one died. No one murdered anyone. No one got arrested. No one went crazy and consumed raspberry crumb cake that was screaming their name. That, by anyone's standards, is a good day.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 12, 2004 at 02:08 PM
Shit Or Get Off The Pot
I am ending day seven of eating raw. I have already lost seven pounds. I feel good. I love that kind of hollow feeling that I have again, I don't feel swollen or bloated or crampy. I haven't had any huge detox symptoms yet aside from my usual random ailments. I am about 99.9% raw at this point but only not 100% by either accident or shopping limitations at this point.
I think the only things I have had that weren't 100% raw was balsamic vinegar and some roasted garlic in some dressing and some flash pasteurized orange juice. These things were not considered until after I had eaten them. The first thing I had to do is re-evaluate what items in my house are raw and what are not. Then I had to decide if it was more important to me to have those things that are not raw, and sacrifice my goal and the benefits I am getting from not having them, or replace them with suitable raw items or give them up altogether. Raw apple cider vinegar tastes nearly as good on avocado as balsamic vinegar does. Plus it is better for me and more economical.
I attempted to drink a cup of hot green tea with raw honey in it today, which would have been the first hot thing I drank/ate this week but could not figure out if it was still considered part of a pure raw diet to brew it. I took a couple of sips and decided it didn't taste good enough to bother worrying about and poured it out. I dislike green tea, for your future reference. Also, I later read that it is considered a cooked food even though the only thing you are heating is water, which I suspected after a little contemplation.
Seem extreme? Yeah, I know. I have an all or nothing kind of mentality about things like this. If I am going to do it, then I just do it. It isn't that hard really. I am not really missing things like I thought I would. The first two days I got dizzy at the smell or site of food that was cooked. I think it was just habit. Little triggers in my head said "ooooh look at that!" I am way over it now. I am more worried about the lack of sufficient whole fresh food in the house than I am about what is left of the cooked processed food being here. I am not worried that I will eat it, or want to eat it. I am worried that I will starve myself instead of eating it because I have made up my mind. This is it. No more fucking around. I haven't felt this good in three years. Maybe it isn't time to get rid of all my skinny clothes after all.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 06, 2004 at 11:30 PM
New And Improved Personality Test
Me: you know how people think you can tell a lot about a woman by what is in her purse?
Him: ?
Me: i think they need to change that to what is in her top dresser drawer
Him: Like?
Me: i have like 25 Victoria Secret bras in every color of the rainbow, a butterfly strap on vibrator accessory that came with my Audi-Oh bullet, and a black boot knife with a spider on it in a leather case
Me: and i think some naughty pictures of me from when i was a 14 (that I confiscated from Him so they didn't get posted or passed around or something)
Him: haha
Me: what does this say about me?
Him: I don't know.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 02, 2004 at 05:00 PM
Logan Is KFU, Well At Least Of His
Things one might overhear at my house today thanks to the game "Civilization III" Terry installed on Logan's iMac three days ago that has totally taken over his brain:
Savannah: "Mom, can you please come down and turn off the slow-mo?"(referring to the game on Playstation2)
Me: "Have logan do it."
Savannah:"He is too busy controlling the world."
and...
Logan:"Mom! Mom! I just entered a new age and now I have the chance to get Feudalism and some of my workers can turn into knights! Look! I have a huge accomplishment! I have A CHARIOT! Look! It is We Love The Emperor Day! I am the Emperor! They set off fireworks and maybe they will give me something for my palace!"
Me: So, what is Feudalism? (slick test, huh?)
Logan:I don't know exactly but I get to enter like the Middle Ages and have knights.
So we looked up Feudalism in the dictionary and I dont' know if he really understood Dictionary.com's definition but that is okay. He went back to it.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 01:51 PM