I Float Like A Butterfly
As I was busy wrapping my little glass bluebird of happiness that was a wedding gift from my little sister and sits right in front of our wedding picture...
Logan: "Boy, when you pack you really pack. You could probably pack a punch... without it even spilling!"
Posted by gwendolyn on July 31, 2003 at 04:56 PM
Don't Quit Your Day Job
I called the lady I interviewed with yesterday afternoon. She told me that they had filled the position but that the only thing that kept me from getting it was my availability. They were looking for someone who would be able to ramp up their hours to full time during the end of the year. They wanted someone willing to give up weekends during crunch time. I knew that to begin with. I was up front and honest about the fact that I could not and would not be able to come in any earlier than the hours they had posted in the job description and that I was willing to work some weekends but did not desire a full time position. She had thanked me for being up front but still wanted to interview me saying that possibly they could work around that by hiring a temp to come in or something. I guess it just turned out that they found someone whose availibility was more flexible. It makes sense for them to hire someone who can be there when they need them instead of two people. I am not upset about it. If she had said that they just didn't feel that I would work out or that they didn't feel I was qualified, then I would have been upset. I don't think I am going to actively look for another job. If something pops up I may consider it but I am not going to go work some minimum wage retail job. It just isn't worth my time.
Savannah legally starts "school" this year and Hope is very ready to start right along with her, legal or not. Between them, keeping up with Logan's inquiring mind, and running the (soon to be) enormous household, and working on all of my hobbies I have half started, I think I will stay pretty busy. I really could have used the cash though. Oh well.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:56 AM
The Devil Inside
Well I have still not heard anything about that j-o-b. I don't exactly know how long these things usually take as I have been hired a couple of times on the spot. I guess it wouldn't have done me any good to keep my lucky grey and black interview dress because it was three women interviewing me.
I have one more Victoria's Secret purchase to go before I get moved up to a gold Angel's card. I froze all of our other cards into a gallon bucket. It is SO working. I happen to forget to put my Angel card in there. I also got two "Free Panty plus $5.00 off any Body By Victoria bra" postcards in the mail today. It is also the end of July and I still haven't redeemed my July coupon yet. It is all just too much temptation. I keep debating going to the mall tonight. Bastards! They are out to get me. They know I am weak.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 30, 2003 at 03:46 PM
Knock Knock
If we get moved without problems it will be a fucking miracle. Already I am trying to get internet and cable installation scheduled for the move-in and I find out the people who were supposed to move out of that unit in June didn't and for some reason they are now saying they are moving out "sometime in August" but no one really knows when. The leasing agent can't get a set date. She keeps getting the teenage son on the phone and he has no clue. The parents aren't returning phone calls.
Then there is the issue of them actually getting the apartment ready for us to move in after those people move out. I thought that whole mandatory notice you have to give when you plan to vacate the apartment was actually mandatory and meant you were actually leaving on that date.
So, I guess it doesn't matter that I have given half the universe my new mailing address and set up half the utilities. If it isn't available they will just put us in another unit. Great. I thought that is what the security deposit and the little worksheet with my new address and everything I am supposed to do before the move in date is for. I guess not. I feel like paying a visit to the people living there and asking them myself what their freaking deal is.
I realize I have my panties in a bunch a bit early but I don't mess around when it comes to moving. Don't take my money and give me an address I can't use. Dumbasses.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 29, 2003 at 12:36 PM
Good Intentions
I got everything I wanted last night. It was all lipsmacking good. Then this morning I put on my recently purchased denim mini skirt and tried to pretend my thighs weren't trying to take over the world. That is when I realized that I either have to seriously get back to doing all the things that made me feel energized and powerful and strong and tight or I am going to have to go buy some fat clothes. Something has to give. It is like stuffing a watermelon into a sock. Yeah, I have hummed this tune a lot. Blah. But seriously. Enough is enough already.
I woke up this morning with the intention of driving around in Ferris today snapping bubblelicious bubble gum and singing real loud with the sun roof open. I tried. The kids, they just decided to talk/play/fight louder than the music. As much as I love them, it was throwing off my groove. They usually have plenty of song requests but today they just wanted to play. Then it looked stormy and killed my whole summer sun mood. Plus it just isn't the same without my monkey. So I brought the brood home to watch the Science channel and build with Legos. I am going to try to get the laundry done and possibly weed out their closet for donation/moving purposes. I really have too much energy to be locked up in this box doing the same old thing today. I miss skipping school and driving around on the back roads drinking tequila, smoking cigars and listening to the best stuff. Where did that girl go? Some days I feel seventeen. Days like today. The world is a vampire.
I forgot to mention that I must give good girls night out too. My downstairs neighbor stopped up to see where I have been hiding for the last week and hinted that she would like to catch a movie or do something Sunday and/or Monday. So that should be entertaining. Mr. Monkey says that I can have all the (girl)friends I want. Prevert.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 25, 2003 at 02:33 PM
We'll Make Great Pets
I have heard from various sources that I give good interview. I give good lots of stuff, interviews must be near the top of the list.
I have Pets by Porno For Pyros in my head today. I don't know why. I wonder if I have that on my iPod.
I want Scruby's barbequed baked beans and cole slaw for dinner like a crackwhore wants crack. I also want a Twix bar before I go to bed. I don't freaking know why but I crave them like crazy every so often. Bad bad bad. Eating BBQ and Twix is going to do nothing good for my now bulbous ass, I'll tell you that much right now. But man, I am just a girl. In the world. That's all that you'll let me be. Great. Now I have No Doubt on the brain. I bet the other Gwen doesn't eat Twix bars before bed. That is why she has a six pack and I don't. Well that and she hasn't given birth to a whole herd of children or had tubes and bags and shit hanging out of her keeping her alive in the last year. Wow, are you still with me here?
We realized last night that I have an odd gift for noticing and vividly remembering every single detail about a person right down to eye color and what shoes they had on even after only having a ten second glance at them. However, I can be repeatedly introduced to people and not remember their names. Ever. How weird is that?
In other news, Savannah has to go to the dentist and have baby teeth removed to make room for her huge adult teeth that are trying to come in to spaces that are only half big enough for them. This should be an interesting next year. It seems Logan and Savannah will both be having a lot of dental work done. Joy.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 24, 2003 at 05:14 PM
This Gig Pays In Hugs And Kisses
I have two hours until my job interview. I haven't done this in a long time. I am a little rusty. I woke up this morning wondering if getting this job would somehow deminish my Supermom status. I think it does. I think it kicks me down a level from full-time, devoted, 24/7/365 mom to average working, leaving the kids, part-time, not quite 24/7/365, you may or may get tucked in by me mom. I don't know how my brain is handling that. I tried to explain the whole concept to Hope. All she really got from it was that if our family has more money then I can buy her more toys, so she will need a bigger toy basket. STAT.
Then on the other hand, my youngest baby is four. How much longer did I think I could get away with being just the devoted mommy, maid, accounts receivable, accounts payable, collections negotiator, schedule coordinator, general manager, teacher and the always there, always color coordinated, satin and lace trimmed attentive wife? Yeah, it was too good to be true, eh?
Now if I don't get hired I can always look back at this post and see how busy and fullfilling my daytime career choice has been for me for the past ten years and not get too awfully self-pitying and wonder what was so wrong with me that I can't even get a job answering phones. I love my first job the most. It is the most important job in the whole world.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 23, 2003 at 03:29 PM
Big Fish Do The Chicken Dance
Yesterday was spent eating way too many yummy foods and watching the Marlins get their asses kicked by the Cubs. I am amazed by how stupid the Mermaids speak and act. I want to believe they just play that part because they think it is sexy and cute. I hate to think there are grown women who are really like that. I am also amused by synchronized field covering. I didn't think you could get a bunch of grown men to coordinate physical movement enough to pull off such tasks. We got to see people smooching on the big screen and two big Marlin fish do the chicken dance. Then there was the whole on again off again baseball game which was entertaining though a bit on the sad side. A good time was had by all in our little family. We even came home with four bobble head statues of Jeff Conine.
I need to start thinking about packing some things up that we won't need from now until we move. I have a feeling doing a little at a time instead of my normal all in one day method would be better for my state of health.
In nonrelated news, I have an interview Wednesday for that job I put in for at monkeyboy's company. I had given up on the idea of them calling me. Maybe something will come of it. Maybe not. I don't know, it sounds promising though. I sure could use the cash flow at the moment.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 21, 2003 at 01:16 PM
Whatcha Gonna Do?
I will have to watch this week to see if I can see our building featured on COPS. I went out to put the kids in the car to go to the bank and there was a Spanish speaking fellow screaming at two police officers and holding an ice pack on his fist. They sat him down on the curb across from the mailboxes and went back to the apartment from which he obviously came to talk to someone else. Lots of onlookers, lots of little children running around. There were at least two cruisers possibly three or four on the other end of the building, but two were blocking my end of the parking lot in an L shape like they had pulled in quickly and jumped out of their cars, not even remotely close to the apartment in question.
I waited for the Bad Boys song to start in my head and tried to catch a glimpse of what was going on to see if there were any cameras present. I didn't see any though. Nothing except a bunch of angry screaming domestic violence aftermath. It briefly reminded me of my childhood. That is probably why I hurried the children into the car as fast as I could and then did all my gawking. Maybe we still aren't ghetto enough for the camera crew yet. I give it six months and we will be a regular feature though.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 18, 2003 at 02:00 PM
The Lucky Charms Leprechaun Would Love Me
It occured to me that Bailey's substituted in my rice krispies this morning would have no doubt tasted yummy, except that I realized that only aspiring drunks would entertain that idea and stuck with the organic skim milk instead.
Overheard in the bathroom earlier..."The water is ovary floating."
Posted by gwendolyn on July 15, 2003 at 01:50 PM
The Great Escape
I lied. We aren't staying here after all. We are moving in seven weeks. We are moving back to the place we lived before we moved into this hole. Our new apartment is the exact same floor plan as the one we had. It is going to be huge again. Three bedrooms, three bathrooms, a garage, a full sized washer and dryer, screened in balcony overlooking the children's playground and rollerblading/hopscotch/four-square court, next to the clean pool, next to the well equiped fitness center, inside of the controlled access gates, one block from work and seemingly far far away from here.
In other news, I have three sick children. Rumor has it that they are most likely sick from the fact that the pool wasn't being cleaned for several weeks and no one bothered to tell the residents and we all just started noticing the pool turning green. Since it takes a couple weeks for these infections to incubate mine, just like other neighborhood children, are now showing the symptoms. I have been on the phone with the corporate office this morning though I doubt it will matter. Also, I just noticed the A/C closet is full of water again. Lovely.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 14, 2003 at 10:46 AM
Working Girl
Normally you aren't supposed to talk about the fact you applied for a job until you actually get it and all chances of jinxing it or looking like a total loser when you get rejected are gone. However, being me, I have to air all my laundry as it happens. Money, sex, health, insanity, happiness, morbid freak out breakdowns, you get it all play by play, baby. So I put in for a really perfect-for-me (except the part where I actually have to go to work every day outside of the house and have a boss and possibly deadlines and such) part time receptionist job for their support department that will tie me up from the time he gets off work to bedtime Monday through Friday. Don't cross your fingers for me. Last time I asked y'all to do that I nearly died. You voodoo hex people, you!
I have a date with the blonde chick from downstairs tonight! Yes, rattle that around in your head for a little while and then slap yourself for being such a pervert. Actually, we are becoming friends and I invited her to go drool over Johnny Depp with me. I had already decided that even though I have a strict rule about not going to restaurants or movie theatres alone I was willing to brave it to see Pirates of the Caribbean. However, I invited her to go with me tonight and she agreed. So maybe we will hang out sometimes. I dunno yet.
I have to go run down the ice cream truck in the parking lot. (start Supermom music now).
Posted by gwendolyn on July 11, 2003 at 02:45 PM
Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys
Yesterday my baby turned four. We went out for lunch. We went swimming in the pool. She helped make her very own Mickey Mouse head shaped chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and rainbow sprinkles. All while wearing her brand new Tinkerbell dress, of course. Then we went out and rode bikes for a little while. She had a good time.
I am painfully aware of the fact that I no longer have, and will never have again, tiny babies. Instead I have bright beautiful little people with plenty of attitude and ideas of their own. My life has changed so much. I noticed it while in the pool yesterday. I quietly floated along propped up on a big yellow noodle. My three little snorkelers were busy doing their thing. They don't want held. They don't play in the baby pool. They don't require swim diapers and umbrella covered floating boats. They just slap on some fins and some SPF 45 and off they go. Occasionally, I have to readjust their mask. Other than that they are independent. I just float along and make sure they aren't sinking or choking.
I was politely trying hard not to beat the living hell out of some stupid cigarette smoking white trash late teen/ very early twenties girls yesterday who decided in all their combined wisdom to bring their newborn preemie neice to the pool and wonder why she was screaming at the top of her little fragile lungs twenty minutes after they got there. It was hot. The sun was no doubt brutal on her poor sensitive skin. The stupid aunt who held her the most while the other ones smoked confessed that the mother had no clue that she was taking her baby to the pool as she was babysitting for the day. I secretely hoped the mother murdered her for it later.
She asked me for sunblock and then proceeded to try to apply it to the baby while she was in the water. It kind of turned to the consistency of milk and made a cloud in the water around her. So I dried the baby off with my towel and then applied the sunblock to her torso and limbs while the stupid aunt held her. I wanted to put it on her face but thought better of it since I wanted no part of the child endangerment portion of the lawsuit the mother would no doubt file later.
I also suggested that they take the now fifty pound wet pamper off of her as it was probably cutting off her circulation in her belly and legs it had swelled so tight. As they did this she calmed down drastically for about ten minutes until they decided to plop her back into the pool and sit around the edge with her and light up. I tried to enlighten them about swim diapers but they just looked at me like I was speaking Japanese. Eventually, they all three started looking at me worriedly as if I magically knew why she was wailing again. I suggested they at least wet a towel and put over her head to keep the direct sunlight off of her skin.
I wanted to tell them that they should fucking know better than to take a tiny premature newborn to the pool at 1 p.m. and sit around and blow smoke in her face and to take her straight home, clean her up, let her suck on a bottle or a pacifier or something until she calms herself down and then call Children's Services and turn themselves in for being so fucking stupid.
Yes, I am aware that my job description has changed drastically. I am aware that there are stupid people out there taking care of innocent little babies and flopping their little necks every which way and filling their tiny lungs with second hand smoke and making their heads flat by never picking them up and not really having the first fucking clue about how to interact with a tiny baby.
It was extremely clear to me yesterday why I get so sentimental over this. I was made to have babies. It is the thing I am good at. Now mine are all grown up. Learning to read and write. I no longer smell of Johnson's baby bath or Desitin. I gave up nursing bras and burp pads for animated character sippy cups. It is all about Disney band-aids and Hello Kitty rhinestone jewelry now.
When I have to give up this for dating, cars, high heels, make up and mini skirts I am going to freak out completely. Logan is nearly a pre-teen as it is. Thank heaven I still have a few years left before the girls hit this stage.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 10, 2003 at 09:29 AM
Whendoleen, The Millionare
My telephone rang a little while ago. I usually have a nervous breakdown and panic and cry and freak out over calls such as these. Well at least I used to. It has become such a common daily occurance that I find them somewhat amusing as of late. I have become numb to opening bills for $150,000.00 and phone calls where I am immediately responsible for upwards of $10,000.00 or $50,000.00 bills for odds and ends that happened during that motherfucking nightmare. I thought I would share this funny little conversation I just had with the cocky bitch at the company who delivered my medical supplies, drugs, and TPN while I was feeding myself through the PICC line in my arm after I got home in December.
Infusal Moron: Hello. I need to speak with the patient Eaton. Whendo...whendoleen.(She was stumbling through trying to pronounce my first name and butchering it completely in the process.)
Me: Gwendolyn. My name is Gwendolyn.
Infusal Moron:Yes. I am calling because we have not received payment from your insurance company for services we provided for you last December and January. We keep calling every month. I have spoken to someone named Patricia at the insurance company. (She babbled on for awhile about not getting their money.) When we don't receive payment after this long we have to get the patient involved and that will speed things up. If we don't receive payment we are going to have to send you a bill for these services and you will have to pay it.
Me:You really need to speak with my case manager S.D. (initialed to protect the privacy of said Insurance Goddess). She knows all about me and my case and who gets paid what and so on. She is who you need to call. (I gave her the number but she seemed very uninterested in calling S.D. herself. She announced she would call Patricia back tomorrow. I told her to do whatever she liked.) Oh, by the way, just out of curiousity how much do you say I owe you?
Infusal Moron: $9,497.10.
Me: (Laughing loudly) Well good luck to you! You aren't going to get $9,497.10 from me because I just don't have it.
Infusal Moron:Yes. I understand you probably don't have the money but I am obligated to inform you that it will be your responsibility if your insurance doesn't pay us immediately.
Me: (still laughing) Yeah. Whatever. I will give S.D. a call so she can laugh at you too.
Click.
I called S.D. immediately to ask her how she was and tell her that I was fine until five minutes before now. She asked if I had just opened my daily mail or something. I said, no I haven't even gotten to that yet, this was a phone call. It seems suddenly I owe Infusal nearly $9,500.00. She said "Of course you do!" Because well, I owe everyone thousands of dollars it seems. Then she laughed at my little story and and added that it would do them no good to bill me as I would just stick it in an envelope and hand it to her anyway (as I have been directed to do, by her, of course). I agreed. I gave her Infusal Morons name and number and she told me she would take care of it and that they weren't entitled to some of the dates of service the moron had given me to begin with and stated that if I needed anything else not to hesitate to call and to take care. I love her. She has made my life so much easier. I think I will buy her a present. I can't right now, Disney Pervert got all my money until payday. Maybe someday when I become Whendoleen the Millionare.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 08, 2003 at 04:26 PM
Current Events
Savannah lost her two front bottom teeth this past Thursday. The very same day Hope received her first bicycle complete with training wheels. Logan remembered that you can never forget how to ride a bike.
Friday all three swam in a lake for the first time, with fish, and a dog. I never thought the girls would go for that. Then they watched fireworks and got eaten alive by mosquitos despite all my attempts at preventing that by spraying them with horrible chemicals. It's hard to choose between DEET and West Nile Virus.
Saturday Hope celebrated turning four at The Magic Kingdom. Savannah is terrified of just about everything. Hope is too but more willing to just close her eyes and go through with it anyway. However, she would not birthday parade with Piglet and Tigger. She did kiss them and hug them though. We rode the flying Dumbo ride twice at Hope's request. She even went through Pirates of the Caribbean with her dad and brother. It was very hot. Disney World is for winter months. She is running around now in her gift which was a Tinkerbell costume. I have a feeling she will live in it for the next several months.
Logan finished Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonixearly last week, read Holes the very next day, and then took a couple days off. Last night around eightish I handed him Charlotte's Web, he went to bed around ten. He has a little over one chapter left. I can't keep the boy in books. While on some riverboat ride at Disney we passed Tom Sawyer's island. We saw the half finished white-washed fence with "Tom loves Becky" and "Huck" painted on it. No one in our house has read about Tom Sawyer or Huckleberry Finn but me. I may have to take a trip to Barnes and Noble this weekend. I have a feeling Logan will really enjoy those stories.
Last night as I fired up my grill I had a friendly conversation with the girl who lives downstairs. We seem to have a lot in common aside from the fact that I already have a whole family to take care of and she is just now engaged and won't be able to have children. We are around the same age. She is still going to school. Her accent is way more country than mine, but if I stand there for more than five minutes I walk away sounding just like her. She seems very nice. She mentioned wishing she had more time to chit chat last week as she doesn't have many friends down here. I know the feeling.
It is hard to meet people when you move to a new place if you aren't hanging out in public places socializing. The only really good friend I have made so far since leaving Ohio was once my neighbor. While I was hopping around the midwest she moved back to Wisconsin. So I have seen her once since we went our separate ways. She came to stay with me for a few days in Iowa. She now lives in Colorado. Too far away to come go shopping with me. Anyway, making new friends as an adult with a husband and three home schooled children is as hard as a single mother trying to get back into dating, I suspect. You come with a whole package. Plus, I don't think I have the time or energy people who become friends with me seem to always demand.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:58 AM
Hi. It's Mickey. What Are You Wearing?
An odd little story I forgot to share until now.
Here's the setting: Monday night somewhere between nine and ten. I am sitting on the couch waiting patiently for approximately twenty minutes listening to the hip hop versions of several Disney movie songs while on hold with the priority seating/ dining reservation number at Walt Disney World. Suddenly someone finally answers.
Disney Pervert: (In what seemed an uncomfortable voice) Hello this is yadda yadda. Thank you for calling yadda yadda Disney dining yadda yadda. How may I help you?
Me: Hello. I am trying to find out if I can make reservations for the character breakfast at Cinderella's Castle on Saturday July 12th. I already have reservations for lunch at The Crystal Palace on July 5th but we were thinking of waiting until the next weekend to go if we could get in to have breakfast with Cinderella.
Disney Pervert: (Deep Inhale which ended in what sounded like him holding his breath)
Very long pause. I would guess about sixty seconds. At this point I couldn't here familiar customer service background noise such as typing but I thought he was checking the schedule and looking for a table for us. After about a minute passed...
Me: Hello? Are you still there?
Silence, then sort of a shuffling noise. Then more silence. At this point I thought maybe he was just annoyed that I called at all or something and was not in the mood to provide me with the usual banter that customer service people ususally do when they are trying to look for something on their screen and keep you holding at the same time. So, I waited a few more seconds then I tried again.
Me: Heeeeello? Are you there?
Disney Pervert: (what sounded like a long exhale while shuddering kind of noise)
Then a click and nothing. The call was ended.
I, thinking that entire thing was quite odd and somehow left with the suspicious feeling that I had just been on the listening end of a semi-quiet phone sex session, relayed the whole experience to Terry who then insisted that I needed to call back and ask for a supervisor and tell them the whole thing just as I had told him only in a really pissed off tone.
Reluctantly, I dialed again. At this point I had given up the desire to try to change the reservation. I really didn't want to sit on hold for another twenty minutes just so I could relay the whole tale to someone who probably wouldn't give a rat's ass (no pun intended) and probably has no way of knowing who I spoke to since I didn't commit the name to memory. I was automatically put on hold. I waited a few minutes and then decided it wasn't worth my time. I hung up. But how weird is that?
Posted by gwendolyn on July 03, 2003 at 02:13 PM
I Must Be Insane
I accomplished a lot yesterday. I was on fast forward from minute one. I did more in one day then I normaly get done in a week.
Yet I woke up this morning frowning as I waded through the mess of greeting cards from last years birthdays, scribbled pictures of Santa that were oddly enough drawn in October, and months and months worth of memories all in a big mixed up mess on my bedroom floor. I had to stop and remember that this was my mess. This was my thing I wanted to do. It has just grown to be something I dread and feel like I will never sort out. I can't just throw it all away. These are all the pictures and memories that I will have when the tide changes and my children are grown and gone and don't need me anymore.
I walked past the skeleton of the dining room table we tore up this weekend and growled at the pile of laundry still staring up at me from in front of the washing machine, daring me to wait until Thursday to try to finish it all so that I can pack for the weekend I just planned yesterday for Hope's birthday trip to The Magic Kingdom. I flipped on the dryer to reactivate the now familiar background noise of a belt or something broken somewhere inside slapping against metal. I guess I need to call the office. I should call for several reasons, in fact.
I noticed a couple of days ago pool is turning green and I found out our apartment complex doesn't pay their bills, which included the pool cleaning, so I am not taking the kids back until it is fixed. I have started a hundred different things. I am not a person who copes well with having a hundred different projects started and nothing finished.
I am now keeping track of my checking account balance on small sheets of notebook paper as I am out of those little checkbook ledgers. This annoys me greatly. Especially when I write sloppy when I am in a hurry. Even more especially when I can't seem to find the papers I shoved back down into my purse. I must find out if Office Depot carries those little ledger book things. Sometime. When I get to it.
I have to get the rest of my pictures imported into iPhoto but the massive amounts I have already transferred are making everything run so slow it makes me feel like murdering people.
Sometimes, I feel like I am trying to put a huge puzzle together with half of the pieces missing.
I am on page nine of that book I was so excited to read. Obviously, my life is too busy for reading. Does it matter if the words are things I need to know to be a better parent or to better understand my role in facilitating my children's lives and learning because if I spend any of the usable hours of my day reading about it then I don't have time to practice the ideals in the books to begin with?
I am grateful for all that I have. It is just that some days it is hard to remember to be happy. I know why I should be. It just seems out of reach sometimes when I am stretched so thin. I feel like I lose my sense of self sometimes. I feel guilty for feeling like this and that only makes me more depressed.
It makes me wonder if I am insane. To know that right now I feel so overwhelmed and busy with my children to the point of making me feel this way and that in a few short years I will be this way because they are gone and I won't know what to do with my time anymore.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 01, 2003 at 03:02 PM