I picked up a little magazine in the grocery called Great Getaways Insider Tips- a Floridian's guide to Florida. It is basically just like an apartment guide only each page displays pictures and maybe a brief story about a different little place in Florida. Some of the pages cover the more touristy attractions like Disney and Seaworld and some cover the little out of the way places like Dry Tortugus and The Miccosukee Indian Village on the edge of the Everglades. It is also filled with hotel and car rental ads but is fast becoming crinkled and tattered at the edges as I plot out all of my "baby steps" weekend journeys I want to take when we eventually go mobile. I could spend SO much time and effort on this, but then again I don't want to set out with strict plans and set destinations. What is the fun of being free if you are on a schedule?
Posted by gwendolyn on July 31, 2001 at 03:47 PM
Me and my Dominican firestick. Yet another one of my favorite ways to waste time...that and a blender full of icy fruity rum goodness.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 02:20 PM
Friday is our evaluation! I am very glad to be getting it over with. I still have a ton of work to do to get it all ready but I am pretty sure I will be able to get it all done. I just really need to sit down and get all of the log retrieved from oblivion and printed out and pull the sample work from the year that we want to show like his best work and the things that show dramatic improvement from the beginning of the year to the end and all of that sort of stuff.
I am getting involved in a preschool coop with the lady doing the evaluation and will be meeting with four or five families who home school in the area we are moving to. That is promising. It will benefit Savannah and Hope more at this point as it is for the younger group but I am hoping that there will be older little people involved as well. Maybe we could get them to be "helpers".
I also need to plan at least one field trip for November for the support group and start focusing on getting the kids more involved in those activities. I would like to do something that hasn't been done to death with that group. So I will have to think for awhile about that.
I plan to unschool this year as much as possible. We are already half way through a third grade curriculum workbook though so I would like to finish that one and the fourth grade one that I have already purchased. I just don't want to tackle the bookwork as aggressively as as we were. Maybe a page or two a day as opposed to ten or twelve. We have tried that, it sucks.
As we are finishing up our third grade curriculum and begin our fourth grade curriculum over the next several months, I would like to go back and rework the idea for the United States unit study that I started at the beginning of this past school year. Instead of making it a hardcore unit study I would like to just put all of the information together and use it more for fun when and if we ever do start our travelling. I should have a couple of years to get a really interesting bunch of information together. I also found a neat scrapbooking kit for pictures of vacations and travelling that had a USA theme to it. So maybe I will get that and we could do a huge art project where we let them take pictures of the places we visit from their prospective and then scrapbook them using some of the ideas from the kit and their own artistic ideas etc. That would be a great ongoing project that would be a real treasure when it was complete. Then each time we revisit a place over the years they can just add to it. I think it would be interesting to see the difference between what an adult would take pictures of in each place compared to what a child would take pictures of. And then as they grow, their perspective would change and evolve and you could see their development through their pictures.
Maybe. Or maybe that is a silly idea. I dunno. At any rate I am excited to get to try to put it all together.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 30, 2001 at 09:35 AM
What I did with my morning...sunrise, a palm and the tribe.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 29, 2001 at 09:02 AM
Have you ever woke up one morning and just really felt strongly that something wasn't right and knew exactly what that thing was and finally just couldn't shove the little voices of dread back down where they came from anymore...today was one of those days. I am sure I disappointed people. I felt kind of sick with dread all day. I don't like being a disappointment. But trying to do something I dread, something I realize I am really am not designed to do, makes me disappointed in myself....more so every day.
People are built differently. I can accept that and I don't want to change anyone including myself. Sometimes it takes really loathing getting up every day to try to be something you're not to make you realize you really are much happier just being who you are.
It is that simple. I am driving to the beach to watch the sunrise tomorrow.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 28, 2001 at 10:23 PM
I am finally getting my groove on :) Now I just have to keep all my ducks in a row to pull off everything that I need to pull off this week...boy does that kind of pressure make me feel pukey.
I am still sorting and condensing. Pretty soon I should have all of the Monkey Tribe worldly possesions squeezed into a two inch cube :) If you don't believe me just ask my monkey how much stuff I have carted out of here so far! Since I do this every single time we move, you would think we wouldn't have anything left! Well baby....we are almost there!!! *giggle* Why does that make me so freaking happy? It is a sickness I tell ya...a freaking sickness. Muhahaha
Posted by gwendolyn on July 24, 2001 at 12:05 AM
I am so excited! I am going to be setting up a display table at one of our homeschooling events for a Mary Kay fundraiser idea I have. Twenty five percent of the sales will be donated and the participating moms will get to try products and enjoy a pampering session. I am going to have a drawing for a product give away and all sorts of stuff! I am happy because this could be a great way for me to network and build up a customer base as well as combine some of the chaos in my life for a good cause. There will be tons of people there from the community as well as the homeschooling crowd so I will be able to network with some people outside of the loop too. YAY ME!
By the way, check out the great new look at Hunger Moon
Posted by gwendolyn on July 22, 2001 at 09:44 PM
I am high on Starbuck's Mocha Grande again. I would go ahead and break out the six pack of Corona and limes that I just bought but I am afraid my stomach couldn't handle the combination in my old age.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 12:04 AM
When Mr. ButtonMonkey and I get married again...if ever...
I want to bypass the whole wedding thing and just dance to lots of love songs such as...I Get Carried Away by George Strait. *sigh* Can you believe we didn't dance at our wedding? Me either :( I wonder who writes this stuff and how many women they have swooning over them because of their sappiness.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 20, 2001 at 02:31 PM
So I am coping with the fact that my monkey deleted every email, every stat report, everything I had saved in way of mail in my Entourage while reinstalling my system last night. My address book and most of my calendar was saved by my Visor. Thankfully! It was a freak accident. I forgive him ;) Especially since I really like OSX and my machine is running much more smoothly now.
I just want to comment that Painted On My Heart by The Cult really makes my bootie groove. I just love The Cult. Always have...prolly always will. If that doesn't fit your idea of the devoted full-time mommy/ role model/ straight and narrow homeschooler ... well....you can bite me.
It really amazes me that I can go from grooving to The Cult to diggin' George Strait singing Amarillo By Morning. Kinda warped.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 02:07 PM
eatonte: Check this... http://seducewomennow.com/
eatonte: Morons!
gw3nd0lyn: you going to join that are ya?
eatonte: hehe. No. I know ALL the tricks!
gw3nd0lyn: hee
eatonte: Load the dishwaher, bring home smoovee...
gw3nd0lyn: oh yeah baby
eatonte: I know what gets you going.
gw3nd0lyn: loading the dishwasher and bathing the kids will pretty much rev up my engine
gw3nd0lyn: and if you throw in a couple loads of laundry I just can't control myself
Posted by gwendolyn on July 19, 2001 at 10:48 AM
Kin' I git 'n *AMEN!* for some sho'nuff bootie shakin' kizash savin' rebudgetin' goin' on up 'n hea' in the monkey house right now...
Posted by gwendolyn on July 18, 2001 at 06:36 PM
On a sad note, another member of my family on my mother's side passed away Sunday afternoon. The sad part of the whole situation is that he was in very poor health due to all of the diseases he developed from being exposed to Agent Orange in Viet Nam. What is even more sad is that he had to fight the government for years to pay for all of his medical expenses because they tried to say that he had never served in Viet Nam. I believe that eventually, after years of legal battle, they did reconcile all of that and take care of things the way they should have, but it was awful that he had to go through all of that only to end up dying from the effects of it anyway.
He was a very nice man. Although he teased me horribly at times I eventually realized he meant no harm by it. He was naturally a teasing person. He used to call Logan "Buzzard Bait" when he was little. I guess that sounds odd, but it was a term of endearment. He took him on his very first horseback ride at about eighteen months old. I am glad that I have the pictures of that.
Maybe the thing I remember most about him though, was that he couldn't be in the same room with a baby crying. He didn't tell me much about why that was except that it had to do with being "over there" and hearing babies constantly screaming at night. I have thought about that a lot over the years as it was probably the most horribly profound thing I have ever heard anyone say.
All I can say is that I am glad to have known him, I wish my children could have known him better, and that I hope that he is at peace now.
Good bye Richard.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:39 AM
I have been on a crazed get-rid-of-everything binge. Most of my bedroom, including my beloved wrought iron canopy bed frame and matching glass and iron vanity is now in the garage ready to go. I have had that same bed since 1995. They are the last of the few items of furniture that I have pulled around with me over the years. I will miss the way it looks all prettied up with my sheer ivory curtains around it, but I will live. I am not going to miss taking it down and putting it back together anymore. That is such a pain. I have decided that if ever (which probably means never) we decide to buy a house and do this whole American Dream thing over again, I am going to buy a wooden canopy bed, with a huge antique treasure chest for the foot of it. But I won't lose too much sleep over it because...
Last night my monkey declared that when all of our debt is gone and we sock some cash away in savings, he has decided that we can "do that whole camping thing" :) YAY! I didn't get it in writing but believe you me I am going to hold him to it. I realize that it might take more than a year to make it happen, but at least I have a realistic goal to work toward now.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:20 AM
I have finally figured out why I fall asleep half way through the Sunday afternoon race. It is the sound of the purr of the cars through the television. That sound combined with being curled up in a big fuzzy blanket in bed puts me right to sleep. It was a good thing that last weekend the Pepsi 400 in Daytona was a Saturday night race or I would have missed the whole thing!
Posted by gwendolyn on July 15, 2001 at 09:48 PM
I have been working SO hard today! It is final. We are moving on the first of September, which is my birthday. Yeah, that part kind of blew a big goat. Last year we moved into this apartment on our wedding anniversary (don't ask me which one I can't remember and I am too tired to count it out). So I would rather move on my birthday than on my anniversary again, that was just sad :(
So, today I wasted all of the brain power I could on my grand plan of condensing all of our crap down to fit into the new place. I even went so far as to move furniture and all sorts of stuff. Stupid thing to do when I am going to have to just move it again in about six weeks huh? Oh well. I burned some calories I think. I just want to be absolutely sure about how everything is going to fit into the new place. So the natural thing to do is figure out what can be rearranged to fit into smaller rooms etc. Then I can start eliminating the things that we really don't need to keep, which is everything in my opinion. I live with a bunch of pack rat wannabes. I am fighting the power.
Posted by gwendolyn on July 12, 2001 at 04:57 PM
Got a box a couple days ago from one of the Grandmothers, sort of a care package/ Hope's birthday presents. The kids got the normal goodies (lots of plastic crap I have been bitching about having to clean up 500 times a day since it arrived) and some clothes. My monkey hit the motherload with two cans of Pringles and a HUGE box of fudge rounds. I, on the other hand, got a little silver sparkly gift bag with two baby bottles of Bacardi rum and a pack of cigars :) I don't know why but that whole scene where we were opening everything struck me funny. I guess you have to know us to appreciate how perfect it all was.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 04:48 PM
Hope eating her second birthday cake :) She loves chocolate almost as much as her momma!
Posted by gwendolyn on July 11, 2001 at 03:40 PM
Well it looks pretty difinite that we will be moving during the first week of September into a much smaller yet extremely less expensive apartment in a neighboring suburb. Financially we don't really have to at all, we could stay here and still make baby steps toward freedom. However, it would be a very wise thing to make some substantial sacrifices now and wipe it all out as quickly and efficiently as possible. Decreasing our expenses and possibly even increasing our income is THE only way we are going to make as huge of an impact on our finances as we want to do in such a short amount of time. There are tons of things I will surely miss about this place. But I will be thrilled at having less to clean! And who knows...if we pay everything off and I STILL can't convince my monkey to go mobile (which would totally kill me) I could definitely afford a very nice pad with a pool here in exclusive Snobville, where we now live, and a purdy Jaguar for my driveway. Not that I really want that...I would rather not become a slave to the American dream all over again. I am just saying I could...that's all.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:05 AM
I am in email hell :( Getting lots! Just not from the sources that interest me...
Posted by gwendolyn on July 10, 2001 at 11:22 PM
I just got back from my Mary Kay weekly meeting. I thought of not going tonight because I really haven't done much in the way of working on my business this week but I am glad that I did. As down as I am about it at times, I always like going to the meetings. I am inspired by the encouragement from the other women who all had to start out on the bottom rung of the ladder just like I am, and I am also inspired by their continuous success each week and welcome their tips and advice on how to make things work better for me. I also seem to generate applause and attention each week unexpectedly for things that I have accomplished that I really had sort of forgotten that I had done since I have become so worried about my lack of contacts. I didn't think about the fact that I would be rewarded for the team building I have done over the past couple of weeks. Anyway, I let myself get too discouraged. I am my own worst critic. I want too much too fast and I need to slow down and do the work that it takes to earn it instead of thinking that there are too many factors working against me. Only I can do it. Not my monkey. Not my children. No one but me. I just need to find my groove, what works for some doesn't mean it will work for others. I just give up so so easily.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 11:10 PM
It is almost time to make the cake. I am going to let the children decorate it. Brave aren't I?
Posted by gwendolyn on July 09, 2001 at 03:36 PM
One of my favorite voices sings these lyrics, which happen to be some of my favorites :
Cuts You Up
I find you in the morning... after dreams of distant signs
You pour yourself over me like the sun through the blinds
You lift me up and get me out
Keep me walking but never shout
"Hold the secret close", I hear you say
You know the way it throws about.
It takes you in and spits you out
It spits you out when you desire
to conquer it, to feel you're higher
To follow it you must be clean,
with mistakes that you do mean
Move the heart, switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place
Yeah on and on it goes, calling like a distant wind
Through the zero hour we'll walk... cut the thick and break the thin
No sound to break, no moment clear
when all the doubts are crystal clear
Crashing hard into the secret wind
You know the way it twists and turns
Changing colour, spinning yarns
You know the way it leaves you dry
It cuts you up, it takes you high
You know the way it's painted gold
Is it honey? Is it gold?
You know the way it throws about.
It takes you in and spits you out
It spits you out when you desire
to conquer it, to feel you're higher
To follow it you must be clean,
with mistakes that you do mean
Move the heart, switch the pace
Look for what seems out of place
And now I find the special kind
You, yourself, like sun through blinds
You lift me up and get me out
Keep me walking but never shout
It's okay... it goes this way
The line is thin, it twists away
Cuts you up, It throws about
Keep me walking, but never shout.
Thank you to my monkey for making that pop into my head. Now I need to figure out where I put that mp3.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 03:29 PM
Most people don't put a whole lot of thought into a birthday. To some people they pass by without a lot of fuss or attention, sometimes they are dreaded. When you are a teenager you want them to hurry up and when you are a grandmother you want them to go backward. But when you are a very small child you don't even understand what your birthday means aside from cake and blowing out candles and presents to unwrap. But when you are a very young child you usually celebrate it with the people whom it means a whole lot to.
I said earlier that tomorrow my youngest daughter will be two years old. What does that mean? Well, when a lot of thought isn't put into it, it just means that she will be two and there will be a little party and we will take pictures and unwrap presents and then it will be over...the end.
However, I tend to put a lot of thought into these things. I didn't plan an elaborate party for her. Why? Simply because there is no one to invite to an elaborate party except our immediate family. We don't need an elaborate party to realize the importance of her birthday. That doesn't make it less important than a normal birthday party with tons of guests and big flashy accessories. Because it is, in fact, extremely important. It just means that we very well may conduct the party in our pajamas and eat our cake all piled in our bed if we like and it will be just as fun, just as exciting, and just as important as any other birthday celebration would be. Why? Because she will be surrounded by the four people who are closest to her. It will be important because our little family is a very tightly and intricately wound little system and we know that we are all that we really need in the world. This doesn't mean that we don't love the people who won't be here. It doesn't mean that they aren't important and missed. Because they are. It just means that what is most important, is that our little tribe is together and happy.
For me, her birthday brings flashbacks of all of the monumental moments that have happened in the last two years. It makes me happy to have been able to enjoy her growth and happiness from newborn to toddler. It makes me amazed at how smart and beautiful and absolutely wonderful she is. It makes my heart ache that my baby is not a baby anymore, but a maturing little lady with her own attitude and her own little personality. She is far from that sweet smelling tiny helpless bundle that depended on my body to give her life, that depended completely on me to soothe her fear of a brand new world and nourish her and keep her safe. Mirroring my emotions toward Savannah turning four, I am so overwhelmed by the fact that tomorrow she will be two.
When you meet your child in their very first moments of life, it is like no other thing in the world. When you lay eyes on the most amazing little creation and know that you helped it happen and know that it is now your responsibility and the highest privilege to be a part of, it is the most important thing you will ever feel. Their first cry will be the most emotional thing you will ever have felt. All of the firsts in your child's life, are so important. These are the memories that will shape you as a parent. Yet, all of the milestones have eventually become a blur. I wish they were all crystal clear to me. I wish I could remember each and every one of their firsts. But because life seems to happen when you aren't looking, and because memories do fade in time, these things get lost in the shuffle of daily life. And then you blink your eyes....and they are turning two, or four, or almost eight. And even if it isn't their first birthday...it is the first time and the last time they will ever be exactly at that point. And the farther down the road you get the more you will realize how important these things really are.
It is happening more and more, that I realize that they aren't staying little for nearly as long as I thought they would. So, with that realization, I should also realize the importance of making the most of each and every minute of every day I have with them. Because soon I will blink and they will be grown. And that frightens the crap out of me. I can't imagine myself without little tiny arms hugging me around my legs and the sound of little voices calling me mommy. I can't imagine what it will feel like when I am not cool enough to hang out with anymore. I can't imagine my life when they are grown. I can't remember what my older two sounded like when they were two. I can't remember exactly what they looked like the day they took their first steps or got their first tooth. I wish like hell I could.
Posted by gwendolyn on at 01:03 AM
I have been perpetually in a movie theater for two weeks. This is coming from a person who doesn't even watch television, except for the Nascar Winston Cup races of course. Speaking of which, my boy won last night and I was practically jumping on my bed and screaming because I was so excited and happy for him! I didn't know I had the ability to get that worked up over a sport. It is all that redneckedness coming out of me I guess. I want a big ol #8 sticker for my back windshield :) I guess it will go right over top of my Mary Kay - Best Selling Brand in America sticker when it gets here this week. I will have to get two and save one for my RV when I finally get my way.
Yes, I am a Mary Kay lady. My business is pretty much sitting still at the moment so if any of y'all loyal readers need some smelly goods or sumpthin' nice to wash yer parts with or some fixin' up and goin' out beautifying supplies jes lemme know. I can fix ya up real purdy like;)
About the whole movie thing, over the last two weeks I have seen: Atlantis, Shrek, Cats and Dogs, Swordfish, Dr. Dolittle 2, Artificial Intelligence at the theater. At home we have seen O Brother, Where Art Thou? and Erin Brockavich. I am on movie overload.
I spent a very nice evening watching Swordfish in the balcony of a theater sitting in a red velvet loveseat in the embrace of my very romantic and sexy husband *ahem* monkey. I finally got to wear my ivory off-the-shoulder dress and my very sexy ivory satin and beaded shoes that I bought for the wedding in March on my very romantic date! I felt like a princess. I love getting dressed up. Afterward, we got to have a very nice quiet dinner in a beautiful fancy dining room in the theater. Then we drove over to the beach and cuddled in the moonlight and walked barefoot on the beach until we got sleepy and finally drove home. It was so cool. *sigh* I live for evenings like that.
I have consumed an embarrassing amount of buttery popcorn and Nestle's Snowcaps. I am completely reforming as of tomorrow. Damn it takes so much self discipline! But I am sliding down a very slippery slope into the fiery pits of my own personal hell that is weight gain and self loathing and I don't like it one bit.
My mom was here for a week and suddenly there were four different boxes of sugary cereal, Slim Jims, angel food cake, apple pie, Oreos, three different kinds of potato chips, Nutter Butters, gormet chocolate fudge, and a yummy dessert pizza consisting of a peanut butter cookie dough base under a layer of cream cheese/ confectioner's sugar concoction and topped with various sliced and beautifully arranged fruit that I was forced at gunpoint to make out of tradition...I am kidding about the gun but geez! How the hell was I supposed to deal with all of that? It was like letting an alcoholic loose in a liquor store with a wad of hundreds. They are bound to find something they can't say no to. I consumed my share of just about everything except the Slim Jims. Just watching my twelve year old sister consume them one right after another gave me serious heartburn. I wonder how long it will take for all of that to catch up with her body. It is really quite sad because I had the same attitude at her age. I didn't make the connection that I would eventually pay for the way I ate. Anyway...
Let's see. What else has happened recently... we visited our local museum of discovery and science and went to Lion Country Safari again.
Tomorrow Hope will be two. I don't know exactly what to say about that. I am thrilled, proud, awed and saddened all at the same time. As is any mother who thinks of these milestones as reminders that time is indeed passing very quickly and that childhood and innocence is over so quickly. I wanted to grow up so fast so badly. I guess the price I am paying for that is the realization that my babies are growing up at lightening speed. It is so hard to swallow at times.