STYLE
Quiet
Loud
Muted
Whisper
Scream


RECENT ENTRIES







ARCHIVES
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000


OTHER VOICES


MISCELLANEOUS
Webcam

This was not the ice cream social day for the kids. That is next week. So that was a disappointment on top of being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic,behind a wreck on the freeway, in 94 degree heat, with no air conditioning in the van, for over an hour. So we missed game day and wasted our energy, gasoline, and time.
They consoled themselves with vanilla ice cream cones we picked up on the way home.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 31, 2001 at 03:25 PM

The doctor called. I am okay. I have a very small fiberous mass in my uterus, not on my ovary. It isn't serious. Nothing has to be done about it. Everyone (including myself) who was holding their breath can exhale now :)

Posted by gwendolyn on May 30, 2001 at 10:06 AM

Last night I attended my first of many business meetings. I was nervous. I was welcomed with open arms. I was excited. I was overwhelmed with invitations and information. I was recognized and applauded for my achievements. I was encouraged to pursue my goals. I was invited to be part of a "family" of sorts. I was of interest. I was interested.

Tomorrow is our big day out at the ice cream social. I am happy for the children to be going to a homeschooling function. I really want to focus on getting them more involved this next year. Our honeymoon with first year jitters is pretty much over. We should be passing the point of constant worry and wondering if we are doing everything right. We have exceeded all of my expectations as far as achievements go. We have our rough learning days and we have our perfect learning days. Such is life. We are more flexible now that we realize the world won't end if we don't memorize our multiplication facts in a certain amount of time.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 09:57 AM

Optical Delusions is once again updated for your viewing pleasure...or pain... which ever the case may be.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 29, 2001 at 09:47 AM

The three day weekend was a rollercoaster of up moments and rock bottom moments. I really don't have much more to say about it. I hope that it isn't the start of a trend in my life. I work better when I am on an even keel. I know that a majority of my time this week will be spent trying to accomplish the daily routine of school and housewifery while juggling my new adventure in self employment. I just need to keep everything moving forward. I need to keep everything in perspective. Most of all, I need to keep it all together.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 09:14 AM

The negativity factor surrounding me is completely getting on my last nerve.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 26, 2001 at 06:44 PM

I have had the busiest phone day of my entire life! It has been a welcomed distraction from my normal whining and obssessing about money and illness. (see stress test below) :) I am really excited about everything that is going on right now. I am already successful in my business and I know that my future is promising. I am going to have an opportunity to meet with some people from my area this coming Tuesday night also.

I want to make sure that we make it to Thursday game day with our homeschooling group next week. I haven't told the little people yet, but it is an ice cream social. I could go on and on but the clock is about to strike eleven and my bed is calling...

Posted by gwendolyn on May 23, 2001 at 10:55 PM

It is always good to lose yourself dancing in loud music at times like this.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 22, 2001 at 05:15 PM

I must have really abused my body over the last twenty six years. It is falling apart. Even after having fixed all of the problems I had, I am still finding broken parts. Last year it was gall bladder disease and kidney stones, today I found out I have a cyst on my right ovary. I don't really know what to say about it yet except that this isn't really the time for it...

Posted by gwendolyn on at 01:28 PM

I was just trying to teach my littlest person how to sing the lyrics to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as "like a diamond in the sky" as opposed to her version which goes something like "lika lika ena skoooowhyyy" and when she heard the word diamond she immediately started chasing me around the house begging "wan diamond pweeeeeeze??" Gee, I don't have a clue where she got that gene...really :)

Posted by gwendolyn on May 21, 2001 at 04:38 PM

I took the stress test. Here are my results.

According to our research, you exhibit a stress percentage of 48%, which is isn't bad at all.
However, you are over 23% full of shit.
This yields an Actual Stress Level of: 37%
That's about what you deserve.
In addition, our careful analysis of your stress vs. bitching about stress ratio tells us:
Like a lot of people, you think you have it bad, and sometimes maybe you do. But you bitch about it too much either way. We know your type.
Our advice is to:
(1) toughen up, and
(2) get back to work.

Okay, so maybe they have a point...but they can still bite me :)
(link affectionately stolen from Loves is a Battlefield :)

Posted by gwendolyn on at 01:46 PM

According to my middle little person, who is sitting here reading Bugs: The Encyclopedia of Creepy - Crawlies, bumble bees reside in the state of Kentucky. I don't know where she even heard the name Kentucky, but the fact that she is wearing an Amish style apron sundress and matching bonnet as she is reading makes it even cuter. She looks like Holly Hobby. Anyone every have a Holly Hobby doll? Man, that makes me nostalgic.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 01:32 PM

If you are easily offended close your eyes and scroll really fast through this post...

gw3nd0lyn: well lets just shoot me then
eatonte: Nah.
eatonte: I think I will keep you.
gw3nd0lyn: hee because i dreamed about being a stripper and making out with famous women?
gw3nd0lyn: i knew you'd like that
eatonte: Nah. Because I like you and you wear a short skirt with no panties to Wal-Mart.

We have some of the strangest conversations, I swear...

Posted by gwendolyn on at 08:39 AM

After the realization that we will most likely be unable to sell all of our belongings and roam the Earth, I have come up with a new plan. I guess I finally decided that if I am going to commit to three sets of braces over the course of the next fifteen years I am going to have to give up on the idea of nomadic life. The whole scare with moving away from here and living in some hole-in-the-wall cheap apartment to decrease our expenses had a bit to do with it also. I like where I live. I liked it the moment I got here and not once have I disliked it. The more I think about owning a house here the less I reject the idea. My children want a yard. They want their own pool also. Spoiled rotten, aren't they? I think they would prefer it be sitting in Ohio, but that is another story.

So, now I will work on paying off our debt and saving for a house. I want a nice one. I don't want to have to clean it either. So I will be budgeting in housekeeping costs when it happens.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 08:24 AM

Yesterday, I ended up sorting through my financial records mostly from the past three years, some dating back to 1994. I hadn't intended to do that portion of my cleanupthebigassmessimadealloverthehouse project until last. But we were setting up all of our ebilling accounts online so I had to dig through the HUGE black bag that is our financial filing cabinet. I found all sorts of things to throw away (you know me and my freaky un-cluttering thing).

While swimming in a pool of paper, I ran across a wallet. It is a wallet that we use on various trips. I think is specifically for that purpose actually. It is a long rectangular leatherette thing that is divided up seemingly to accommodate credit cards, traveler’s checks, cash and receipts. I use it for keeping track of expenses during our various moves. I was about to toss it into a box when I felt the need to look inside. I saw some gas receipts peaking out of one of the flaps. As I pulled them out I also saw the corner of a dollar sticking out of one of the compartments. Immediately I was excited. I get excited over finding dollars in the wash so this was nothing unusual. However, when I pulled out the money other money was there with it. My excitement grew as I flipped through a stack of twenties and fives and ones. I had just made a quick $117.00 for doing a crappy chore that I had been putting off for weeks. When I think of all of the times that I really needed milk and diapers or bread, and was flat ass broke and praying for payday...now I promise not to bitch so much about doing bills.

So anyway, the most ironic part of it was that the day before yesterday I wrote a check for the initial portion of my investment for my new business. It was for $117.00. So maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe it was like a little nod of approval from somewhere...I don't know. I have been wishing for money so hard my brain is about to pop so I am not knocking it.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 08:06 AM

I do have some things that I should attend to before all of this takes off. I have a room littered with the last twelve years of our life in pictures, I have well over a month's worth of bookwork and activities jotted down in margins to log and be accounted for, I have a garage that is still sort of cluttered with last weeks project. I am going to have to hurry up and get all of that mess sorted and taken care of. I don't want any unneccessary pressure over the next few weeks. I hate it when I start a million projects and don't finish them.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 18, 2001 at 10:19 PM

Today I have had to think hard about how far I want to go in my new venture. I definately want to be successful. However, I will definitely never waiver from my priorities. If being successful ever means rearranging my priorities I could not consider it success. I can only be happy if I am comfortable with what and how much I am doing. I know that everything will be fine. My typical "worry until I make myself sick about crap that hasn't even happened yet" personality is shining bright at the moment. I keep telling myself to shut up already with the "what if's".

Posted by gwendolyn on at 09:59 PM

I spent most of my night laying in darkness, in a bed full of babies, trying to get comfortable and stay warm, brainstorming about how to get my business started. I came up with a reasonable solution to the investment situation. It deters from my original power payoff plan but when I start to make money from my business it will get me right back on track. I am excited, nervous, worried, determined…

Posted by gwendolyn on at 10:13 AM

I am so excited! I just talked to an old and dear friend from my past. Well, she is not old...our friendship is. It was so neat to hear about her family and everything that is going on in her life and to share mine with her. As we spoke, my mental image of her remained the same as if she were still seventeen years old. Her voice sounded different but I think it was because I don't ever recall us talking on the phone much in the old days. She is one of the sweetest friends I ever had in high school. I am so glad that we finally caught up with each other. She is a successful self-employed businesswoman, wife and, mother. It was a very inspiring conversation.

I am also excited for another reason. I have been debating a way to accomplish my personal and financial goals and had basically come up with no satisfying solution. I have been debating the idea for a couple of month of starting my own business in one form or another to accomplish these goals. By no means are these goals merely financial. Yes, I want money. That is no secret. I want it fast and I want a lot of it. I am pretty persistent when I want something so badly. And in most cases, I am willing to do a lot of things to get it. But there are other issues. My own lonliness and fluxuating self-esteem haunts me daily. I want to be successful in so many ways. I will be the best mother I can be. I will be the best "teacher" I can be. I will be the best wife I can be. And now I just might be the best entrepreneur I can be too.

I also want to meet people. This will also give me a reason to become more sociable and it will make me happy to make other people feel good about themselves. Nothing is set in stone yet. I have to weigh the pros and cons of the time and financial investment. But maybe this is just what I need to fill up some gaps.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 17, 2001 at 02:41 PM

I guess I should properly update everyone on my Monkey's saga. He is still sick. No one is sure what is wrong with him. The million tests they have done have came up with no definate conclusions. The bone scan he had done was normal. The chest x-ray and EKG were fine. He had tested positive for a strep virus within the last six weeks, but he didn't test positive as having it now. There are some things that strep can cause such as Rheumatic fever. His Rheumatologist sent him for even more bloodwork and now he has to go for an Echocardiogram. From what I understand through my monkey's translation, Rheumatic fever can somehow trigger heart problems. He could have valve problems and this Echocardiogram will tell us if he does. He is currently walking pretty normally and not complaining much due to the semi-long term steroid treatment he is on. But that may all change. He is going to start the weaning process next week. I have a feeling that once the steroids are done, he will relapse. I have to be mentally prepared for that as does he.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 16, 2001 at 05:58 PM

Some important words that I have been thinking hard about lately...

"We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift - our personal association, which means so much to them - we give grudgingly."
- Mark Twain

"That energy which makes a child hard to manage is the energy which afterwards makes him a manager of life."
- Henry Ward Beecher


"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
- Albert Einstein

Posted by gwendolyn on at 04:03 PM

Last night I watched film that I had taken when each of the children were newborns. I watched film of Logan (the oldest little person) at age two and three. I cried. A lot. I mourned the loss of their babyhood. I mourned the loss of my own memories as I barely recognized them. I mourned the fact that I have lost two years of filming Hope as a newborn and a baby, as we have not had a camera since 1999.

I wanted to run upstairs and grab them all out of their bed and hold them tight and kiss their soft little cheeks and cuddle with them. I didn't. Maybe I should have. Someday they won't be there. Someday they will think I am an insane old woman for wanting to rock them like babies.

I was saddened by the realization that my children are much different now than they were then. I am much different now than I was then. As much as I want to say that my relationship with them has been nothing but loving and nurturing over these years, I cannot lie. I often judge harshly and scream loudly and even spank them though I know in my heart it isn't what I want to do. I grew up obeying my parents out of pure fear. I do not want that to be the reason my children behave. I want them to know what it means to be respectful, courteous, and helpful. I want them to respect me out of love and admiration. How can you possibly admire or love someone who yells at you and hits you? I read so much about attachment parenting and know that at one point in my life that is what I was. I know that somewhere inside me, that is still who I am.

When the pressure is on, I don't reach inside for what I know is right. I reach into my past for my own experience as a child and how my parents handled the situation. I don't know why I do this because honestly it is the last thing on earth I want to do. Today is a new day. I have a new perspective. I will be the mother I want to be from now on. I promise this to my children and to myself.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 09:43 AM

Blogger has been having a rough time of it over the last couple of days, making it nearly impossible for me to post. I forgive it though. I haven't really had much to say.

I am struggling with a new problem. My monkey and I had a discussion this weekend about a super quick way to pay off all of our debt. We talked about looking for a place in September (when our lease expires) that would be at least half to two thirds of our current rent. This seems like a sensible thing to do. However, the thought of going backward freaked me out completely. The difference between this being a step backward and a step forward is very sketchy. In ways it feels like going backward because we have lived in some of the most horrible places. We have dealt with some of the most undesirable living conditions known to man. For the price that this would allow us to pay, it would probably require going back to those kinds of conditions. The step forward being that it would be a move made out of choice not necessity. It would be extremely short term and it would allow us to move forward once again with a clean slate, most likely a savings, and endless possibilities. It would give us the opportunity to resolve our current situation quickly and relatively painlessly. The thing that freaks me out is that up until this point, all I have talked about is simplifying, downsizing, and becoming free of the complication of having the expenses we have. Then when it all came down to it… I took a look around.

Even though this place is an apartment and most certainly not a permanent home for anyone including our tribe, it is THE only place we have moved to within the last nine years that I wasn’t praying I would get out of within six months. I wake up every morning reasonably pleased with my home. I drive through my town with a smile on my face because it is beautiful. Yes, the people here are rude bastards. But all in all, it is nice.

As much as I loved my little yellow house in Iowa, I hated being there until it was time to leave. I didn’t want to leave when it finally was possible. I know that having Hope four weeks prior to the move had something to do with that. I finally felt like we had some sort of roots there. Now the year of living there seems like a fleeting memory. If I weren’t still paying for it, it would seem like it never happened.

I envisioned our departure from here a little differently. I thought it would either happen when I convinced everyone that being a nomad could really be a good thing, or when my Monkey left his current employment for whatever reason and we packed up and moved to another employment location. I never planned on buying a house here. I know myself better than to make that mistake twice. If we leave here in September, it won’t be to live in a mansion with a manicured lawn and an indoor pool. It won’t be to pack up our rig and head out for destination unknown. It will be to take another step backward so that we might move forward again someday. I feel so selfish for not really wanting to do it again, when all I talk about needing is resolution and piece of mind.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 09:21 AM

I am swimming in a sea of old pictures. A huge box of pictures that were all in chronological order got dumped and now I am sorting out eleven years of our life. It amazes me how many pictures I didn't realize we had. I am starting scrapbooks. It is going to be time consuming.

We were children when we met. *sigh* We were so young. We are growing old together. Looking at these pictures freaks me out. Where did the time go?

Posted by gwendolyn on May 14, 2001 at 11:32 AM

I am glad to report that I am doing much better in the food department. I haven't been slipping up nearly as much and I am trying to regain control over my urges to just say "screw it" and eat horribly. It helped that I just spent the last two days running the stairs and moving furniture and sweating like a hog from dawn to dusk. Today I am trying to reorganize the ever-growing home school mess in my little person's closet.

We are thinking of selling our four year old's Compaq Presario. She rarely uses it lately and she was easily convinced that she would be just as happy if she were to share the oldest little person's iMac. She is pretty flexible that way. Of course, we would need to buy her some new games to replace the PC only games she knows and loves now. That is the hardest part of it for me. I don't want her to feel like she is losing the few things she does like to play. I think that she would adjust well to sharing the iMac though. It would free up a lot of usable space in her closet, and I am all for un-cluttering. It is also bad that at the moment she sits two inches away from the seventeen-inch monitor. There is quite a bit of PC only software looming around the house that I could also justify getting rid of, once the PC is gone.

If we sell the PC I think I am going to sell my iBook too. I would like to combine the income from both and buy myself the latest iBook. I really like my monkey's Powerbook and now the new iBook is basically Powerbook guts in a frosted clear plastic shell. It also has the sleeker Powerbookish design to the case unlike my clamshell shaped contraption.

I could stand to get rid of a lot of the stuff I have been transferring to the garage. I have been un-cluttering from room to room and moving items that just need reorganized and the items that could possibly be given away to the garage, much to my Monkey's dismay. He was so excited about actually getting to park the van in the garage. Poor thing. Hopefully, I will be redeemed in his eyes once all of his artwork, flash, photos and tattooing equipment have been dug up out of the corner of the storage area and nicely organized and contained in one central location where he can get to it. That is next week’s goal.

I am getting excited about my Mom's Day gift. I will finally be able to capture all of these fleeting precious moments on video once again. I don't think it was in our budget, but I guess I must have looked pretty desperate when I was trying to find the eyeglass repair kit screwdriver to take the door off of the old 8mm that we have that died on Christmas morning of 1999. I thought that if I could just get the door off then I might be able to see if something was actually broken or if the gears were just jammed or something. I think it is a lost cause. Having me tinkering in it would probably only worsen the situation though. The ironic thing is that now that the new camera is on the way, my Monkey suggested we take the old camera in to see if it can be repaired so that my oldest little person can use it for creative purposes. Great idea except that we could have done that ourselves and saved a ton of money. Oh well. It is still a good idea, I guess. On the other hand, I haven't gotten any of our mothers’ gifts yet. Shame on me.

My idea for the little person's Journal writing seems to be working. After only two days of working on it, he seems to be very pleased with his efforts as an author. As long as I am supplying the main idea and supporting sentence ideas he is interested in doing it. My patience is the key to his success. I am noticing that he isn't applying what he has learned about sentence structure or grammar to his writing. I guess we just take it one step at a time. I have been giving gentle reminders about the mistakes but I am not insisting he rewrite anything. He has been changing small mistakes without too much prompting. I think by just pointing it out and him recognizing his mistake he will eventually catch on.

This whole logging business is driving me nuts. I am behind. Each day's worth of work makes me even farther behind. I don't have time to sit each day and type it all into the database. (Well I guess I do, I just never feel like doing it.) So I suppose I am going to have to dedicate one whole day to doing nothing but that next week.

I am also debating starting some sort of home-based business. Childcare would be the obvious way to go but my Monkey doesn't like the idea of it because then I am a slave to someone else’s schedule. This is true for any job. No matter whether I take care of children, sell cosmetics, or write smutty novels...it all is time consuming. I just have to decide which will pay off fastest. At the moment the smutty novel thing isn't going very.... well... going.

All is peaceful at the moment. The baby is sleeping, the middle little person is in her room playing Barbie Dream house, and the oldest little person is in his room constructing Lincoln Log houses and making up song lyrics. I am going to steal ten minutes on the balcony with some Suisse Mocha and the breeze. Maybe I will have a brainstorm and think of a way to make a quick 30k so I can get out of debt because we SUCK at saving.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 11, 2001 at 08:14 PM

If I cut one more place on my left hand I will need a new hand. I don't know what kind of weird freaky luck my left hand is having but my digits are all trying to commit suicide. Back to spring cleaning.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 09, 2001 at 02:54 PM

Things feel partially back to normal. At least today does. I have spent a majority of the day doing mom/teacher stuff. Mostly trying to blur the line between the two.

We didn't do much bookwork today. In fact, the only bookwork we did was Multiplication and Division. Yet I feel that the day was well spent. We read three chapters from Farmer Boy. I am reading it to them. The next book in the series I am having read to me. I am also working on an idea to help my oldest little person start a daily journal. I am making a list of topics for him to choose from and including possible supporting ideas for each topic. This way I am taking some of what he dreads most away from it. I am hoping to nurture some creative thinking without dwelling to much on the mechanics of it. I think for the first few months I am not going to pressure him about revising and correcting grammar and spelling and punctuation. It is hard enough to get him to think for himself. Maybe this will rekindle his imagination. Hopefully, he won't need my list of topics for long. And hopefully he will incorporate what he has learned in Language Arts without to much prompting.

I am noticing more and more that I am not writing so much about my thoughts about myself. I had decided that I would try to curb writing about school and children and pick up where I left off on my other site. But I can't seem to dig that mask out of the closet. Try as I might, I am just not in tune to myself nearly as much as I used to be.

This is probably because this has become the busiest time for me ever as a mother. I look at my children and see my future. Teaching is only going to get more complicated and more time consuming with three children. I knew the day that Logan was born that my life was then and forever not my own. That statement is now magnified times three. I look at my writing and it looks foreign to me. They look like words from someone elses brain. I want to try to find what ever powered that part of me. For some unknown reason, I keep making excuses as to why I can't.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 07, 2001 at 05:40 PM

Ever feel like you REALLY need something...you just don't know what it is. Some little thing that will just make everything seem okay. I feel like I am reaching as far as I can into empty darkness today. Maybe it is because I am chasing happiness that will never really be there for me. Maybe it is because I am stumbling so much along the way. It is odd how I feel like I am talking when I am typing and know that I am primarily talking to myself. Strangely, it amplifies the disconnected lonely feeling.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 04, 2001 at 04:32 PM

Did I say Hell? Hell doesn't even begin to describe it...

Yesterday, I got an earlier appointment for my Monkey with a Rheumatologist (as prescribed by the ER physician). I promptly got everyone ready and took him to it. While I was waiting for him in the van with the three little people, I rescued an old lady who had tripped over a storm drain and fallen in a puddle on the street. I covered her up with blankets, held an umbrella over her, talked to her, patted her arm, kept her calm, and convinced her that she really didn't want me to help her move (all while sitting by her side in a mud puddle in the pouring rain) for almost twenty minutes until the paramedics and her husband arrived and took her away. Her husband later returned to move her car to the hospital parking lot and told me that they believed she fractured her hip. When I got back into my van my little people told me that I must write what happened down because it was a very important event. I had hoped that they learned what it means to be kind, helpful and compassionate from watching it all. Mostly they just discussed whether or not the lady fell because she was missing a leg (she had both legs). That was just my four year old's theory because from her vantage point she couldn't see one of the legs that was bent under the lady's body because she couldn't move it. Kids...

The monkey has to go for many more tests. He is swollen, changing colors, fevered and in pain. Today they took five vials of blood from him for the thirteen blood tests that have to be performed. He has to have a chest x-ray (because of the doctor noticing his heart beating fast), an EKG, and a bone scan with some radioactive stuff injected into his blood at the hospital over the next few days. Then on Tuesday it is back to the doctor. We still don't know what is wrong. But he is back on steroids indefinitely.

The chaos of the week made me lose track of time. I have been so busy, so exhausted, so mentally and physically drained. I don't know if it is from the Cinderella routine or the worrying. Either way, I realized this morning that my rent was overdue. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Some people go through stressful things without blinking an eye. They never grow weak or weary from dealing with complex life issues. Some people could be in my shoes right now and never break a sweat. I envy them. I am not one of those people.

I called the office. I told them about the situation and how I hadn't realized that I missed paying on time. They were neither compassionate nor understanding. There is a no exception to the late fee rule. I had to pay the $75.00 per day late fee regardless of how many times I had sat in the ER this week, regardless that I am acting pretty much as a single parent of three children and nursemaid to a sick man, regardless that I was trying to find time to not be rude to my out of town guests during all of this. I was sort of hoping for a little good Karma action to come my way. Maybe I don't have any good Karma coming to me. No one owes me any breaks, and it was my own fault. It just seems so unfair because they won't accept my payment more than two to three days before it is due, and I would gladly have paid it on the day I wrote the check. So I had been holding the rent check for May since April 8th. Somehow, the 1st came and went and I was oblivious to my irresponsibility until this morning. I had a small nervous breakdown as I went to the bank to get the cashiers check that they requested (if you are late you have to pay that way), and then again in the office while trying to hurry and give them my money and leave.

For the few moments that I found my voice to speak, I convinced them that my month wasn't getting any easier and that they should take my rent check for June along with this months payment because I didn't want that to happen again. Seeing my obvious lack of composure this morning, they agreed. I apologized and left.

I took a candle light bubble bath and drank a big steaming mug of Suisse Mocha coffee this afternoon hoping to calm myself down a bit. It was cut very short by the sound of two little people fighting like cats in their room over some silly little toy and my oldest little person constantly tapping on the bathroom door. I hope tomorrow is better.

Posted by gwendolyn on at 04:17 PM

The past few days have been a blur that went something like this...

Finally got the house cleaned. Guests arrived. Things got a little busy (and entertaining) around here for a couple days. Had a nice dinner away from the house. Did some shopping. Saw some lions, zebras, giraffes etc. Suddenly, my Monkey got sick again. Monkey is miserable. Meanwhile, Littlest person chipped her front tooth when she fell in the bathtub. Emergency trip to the dentist to make sure she was okay. She was. Monkey got worse. Emergency trip to hospital #2 for monkey for same illness. Delayed treatment until next Thursday. What was supposed to be a nice relaxing week is turning into a week from hell. Details at eleven...

Posted by gwendolyn on May 02, 2001 at 09:29 PM