STYLE
Quiet
Loud
Muted
Whisper
Scream


RECENT ENTRIES
Can You Feel A Little Love?
Just Like Every Day
Holes In The Head
He Said She Said
Your My Best Friend


ARCHIVES
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000


OTHER VOICES


MISCELLANEOUS
Webcam

Battle Of The Bands

I taught the children to mosh today. It was part of our unit study on how to drown out the next door neighbor's stereo. Granted, Sex Pistols and Misfits songs aren't really ones I want the kids learning the words too, however, I think the stereo combined with all their shrieks and giggles was loud enough to drown out any of the lyrics you can barely understand anyway. There is just something cute about Savannah screaming "Mommy play Ruby Soho again, again!" Wait until I tell her she was a Rancid fan at the age of six.

So after another day of The Great House Hunt, Charlie Brown I am mentally tapped out once again. My greatest fear yesterday was the prospect of living within spitting distance of my entire family. Even the bad ones. We decided this morning that my comfort level was indeed an issue and ruled out moving across the Ohio border. I like the idea of safe anonymity the west side of the big loop provides much betterer.

So now that we have established exactly how much of the bank's money they will let us spend on a property and realized that you cannot get jack shit in Florida for that amount we have ruled out the idea of trying pacify ourselves into buying something here with that. Besides, the issues aren't just with the neighbors. Ft. Lauderdale is pretty and there is the beach and all that but it doesn't change the fact that the people just suck royally. I feel like I am robbing my children of a childhood by keeping them here. We can't afford to go buy a secluded house in a quiet friendly neighborhood, not that I know of any here. Davie would be nice because of the horse farms but that is even more pricey when you start factoring any amount of actual land into the cost. The cards keep pointing to moving North. I am so afraid that we will get up there and then his work situation will not go well and we will be stuck, and we will have fucked up a perfectly good situation we have with that.

He asked me right before he dozed off tonight where I saw myself when I closed my eyes. The problem with that is that when I close my eyes I see myself in a lot of different places. I don't have that happily ever after in one spot mentality. My dreams aren't quite the same as everyone else's.

I know that I could spend the next several years watching my children play in a real yard. Somewhere where I won't have to worry constantly that I'm not going have anything left over after bills next month. I know that things would start going my way really quickly if the job situation and the move up there went well. I know that the children would be so much happier if they could see their family sometimes, as would I. I know that it would be so much easier for us to have friends there, to go out once in awhile and remember what it feels like to be a couple. I so want it all to work out for the best. I just wish I knew what the best was. I wish I had more control over what was happening. I wish I could relax and sleep.

Posted by gwendolyn on March 11, 2004 at 12:55 AM