Shape Shifter

I am currently reading The Portable Henry Rollins. I hadn't read any of his books yet. I had seen his spoken word stuff on video before. I had read a lot of interviews with him. I listened to his songs. However, when I started to read his writing and his journal entries it really changed my whole perspective. I can see now that meeting him was a totally different experience than what I perceived to to be. His politeness to me, and everyone else he meets really isn't him at all.

In fact, I am the embodiment of everything he despises in the world. So are most of you. It would explain the way he looks at a camera the way he does, why he didn't say much, why he prefers to be alone, why he travels so much. It twists what I thought I saw in that ten minutes into something extremely different. It twists what I thought we all saw for three hours on the stage the night before into something else. It is amazing to see the whole thing again through the other person's eyes.

He expresses, in his writing, how much he loathes signing his name on pieces of paper for people. How numb he is to everything. How he feels about people like you and me. He may seem nice, shake your hand and thank you for coming, but you really don't exist in his mind. He would rather smash your head in. He is really consumed by his own hatred.

I like my perspective of the whole experience better. I like the nervousness I felt upon being near him. I like the funny laid back Henry I thought we all saw in his performance. I prefer to see him as some beautiful monster. I would rather be blind. I am weak like that.

Isn't that what we all are really? Someone else's interpretation of us?

"If you could see the you that I see

Believe me"

Low Self Opinion- Rollins Band

Posted by gwendolyn on February 05, 2004 at 09:59 AM