Everyone Has A Twin Somewhere, Right?

Everyone who knew both my father and my mother have always told me I look exactly like my father. I do. I haven't seen my father since I was a child, by choice, but I remember what he looked like when he was my age now and I look just like him.

When I was a little girl my grandmother used to tell me that I looked just like my dad's grandma. She didn't have any pictures of her. I am not sure why that is but maybe it had to do with the fact that my grandparents had divorced before I was born. I never knew their parents names. I can't recall ever being told. My paternal grandfather remarried and did not stay in contact with his children or grandchildren. I met him once when I was very young. All I can remember is being very scared of him as he was an abusive father and husband, just like my dad. He had a tattoo of an anchor and another of a lady. He lived in Dayton with his new wife.

My grandmother remarried a wonderful man and he was, in every sense, the only good grandfather I ever knew. I stayed in contact with my paternal grandmother and step grandfather for a few years after my parents divorce. When I was a teenager I had a pretty messy "falling out" with my grandmother and I simply never spoke to them again. I hated that. My step grandfather was a very good man and he died a year or so ago and I don't think I will ever forgive myself for all of those years lost. He would have loved my kids. They had never met any of my children except for taking my son to their house to trick or treat once when he was a baby. Just so they could see him. Once. As much as I loved them I realized my grandmother would never change so I quickly decided that nothing good would come of that so we never went back. It is a long story. A messy one. I will skip it.

So all of these years of growing up I simply accepted the fact that basically that part of my family was pretty much dead to me. Any contact with any of them would only lead to trouble for us. Then after I finally got up the courage and left the mess in Ohio that was my maternal family, they also became just another group of people I would probably never see or speak to again. I missed the last few years of my Great grandmother Marie's life, I have two other great grandparents living who may not be around much longer. I am told they both cry whenever we are mentioned.

It makes me sad. I have my husband's family, I have my mother and sister. They are "my people" as I have become accustomed to referring to family. Still, there is a lot of emptiness and bad memories tugging at my heart. My children don't know their grandparents or great grandparents. If they did they would only know exactly how scary and screwed up people can be. If they ever asked me about their ancestors I would not be able to answer any of their questions. I wouldn't have wise old grandmothers waiting to tell them all about where they came from. That is hard for me.

Once in a while I search a couple of the public records sites to see if any of my relatives are in prison or have been in trouble. I know, weird, as usual. Something very strange happened. Terry did a search for my father's name and ran across a site of a family tree that was done by a girl named Sarah in MO about two years ago.

I found the phone number of her her mother, Diane, and called her. Diane's father Mel's last name is my maiden name. Her father had a brother with the same first and last name as my father and his father. They were approximately the same age and came from the same area. However, her uncle died in the 60's and my grandfather is, to the best of my knowledge, alive and resides somewhere in central Florida.

For some reason though, I look exactly like her grandmother Della who died two years before I was born. I emailed Diane these pictures. She agreed.

One of the pictures has Logan in it. Logan looks a lot like her nephew. She sent me a picture. It is incredible how many features they share. I am not going to link it though because it was a private picture and wasn't already available to anyone on the internet and I don't feel it is appropriate to do so without permission. Terry and I both agreed that the boys look a lot alike so I sent her more pictures of Logan from when he was younger, around the age her nephew is in the picture. However, we still cannot figure out any way that we could be related.

She has been researching their family history, with the help of Mel, for twenty years. She phoned Mel and told him about me, he added to the mystery by telling her that her uncle had been married before he married her aunt, which she didn't know up to that point. Still, the years he was married to her aunt don't solve anything because they were the same years my grandfather was married to my grandmother. The only way it would be remotely possible is if her uncle was also my grandfather and was leading a mysterious double life and then faked his own death, which is highly unlikely. Also, according to my mother his parents were named Rose and Charlie, not Della and Frank.

Still, how do we look like these people who came from the same area and share the same last name?

Side note: The comparison to Della's picture is most similar when positioned beside the photo on the "quiet" style sheet of this site.

Posted by gwendolyn on September 18, 2003 at 11:40 AM