Double Digits

Logan woke up at 7:30 this morning, in his new bed, in his new room, in his new home to the sound of the children's computer saying "Happy Birthday" over and over again in a deep electronic voice. His sisters were perched on the floor at the foot of the bed trying not to make any noise before the computer did and his father and I were standing in the doorway with the camera ready to capture the look on his face when he sat up and realized there was a brand new mountain bike sitting in the middle of his room with a big bow on the handle bars. Various cards and gifts and phone calls have followed. Plenty of trips outside to the multipurpose court to ride around have followed.

I have prepared three different kinds of meat to put on the grill this evening. I have no clue why as it is only the five of us eating and two of us won't eat beef (even on a special occasion). Logan is a carnivore at heart and I pick these special occasions to indulge him. I cheated and picked up deli potato salad and cole slaw to go with. I am debating baked beans but will probably pass because I just realized I am out of brown sugar and you just cannot have good hillwilliam baked beans without it. I can live without the bacon in it but I have to have brown sugar. Of course I would just love to have a big ol' tub from Scruby's but that is kind of out of the question at the moment. The smell of devil's food cake, made mostly by Logan because that is our tradition for the birthday child to get to make their own cake, is taunting me from the oven. The French Vanilla Fudge Pie ice cream is screaming at me from the freezer. So far, so good.

Ten years ago today I became a mother for the first time. I had absolutely no doubt in my mind about what I was doing. No second guessing. No second thoughts. No wondering what I should do with a baby.

It was like seeing perfection for the first time. It was the hardest work I had ever done so far. It was amazing. Becoming a mother was kind of like breathing. I just did it like I had been doing it my whole life. I kind of had in a lot of ways. My brother was five years younger than me. My sister is fourteen years younger than me. My life up to age nineteen had pretty much consisted of taking care of my siblings. The last ten years has been spent just "being the momma" mostly. His childhood is legally half over. I wonder what he will think of his life in ten more years. I wonder what feelings he has way deep down about his life now. He has a "pleaser" personality. Even if he was miserable he wouldn't tell me. He wouldn't want to hurt my feelings. He is a good guy. I hope he is happy. He is one of my four best friends. I am grateful to be here with him. Not just today, but every day.

Happy Birthday Bean xoxo

Posted by gwendolyn on September 09, 2003 at 04:31 PM