STYLE
Quiet
Loud
Muted
Whisper
Scream


RECENT ENTRIES
Remembering Why
Can You Feel A Little Love?
Just Like Every Day
Holes In The Head
He Said She Said


ARCHIVES
February 2005
January 2005
December 2004
November 2004
October 2004
September 2004
August 2004
July 2004
June 2004
May 2004
April 2004
March 2004
February 2004
January 2004
December 2003
November 2003
October 2003
September 2003
August 2003
July 2003
June 2003
May 2003
April 2003
March 2003
February 2003
January 2003
December 2002
November 2002
October 2002
September 2002
August 2002
July 2002
June 2002
May 2002
April 2002
March 2002
February 2002
January 2002
December 2001
November 2001
October 2001
September 2001
August 2001
July 2001
June 2001
May 2001
April 2001
March 2001
February 2001
January 2001
December 2000


OTHER VOICES


MISCELLANEOUS
Webcam

Whendoleen, The Millionare

My telephone rang a little while ago. I usually have a nervous breakdown and panic and cry and freak out over calls such as these. Well at least I used to. It has become such a common daily occurance that I find them somewhat amusing as of late. I have become numb to opening bills for $150,000.00 and phone calls where I am immediately responsible for upwards of $10,000.00 or $50,000.00 bills for odds and ends that happened during that motherfucking nightmare. I thought I would share this funny little conversation I just had with the cocky bitch at the company who delivered my medical supplies, drugs, and TPN while I was feeding myself through the PICC line in my arm after I got home in December.

Infusal Moron: Hello. I need to speak with the patient Eaton. Whendo...whendoleen.(She was stumbling through trying to pronounce my first name and butchering it completely in the process.)

Me: Gwendolyn. My name is Gwendolyn.

Infusal Moron:Yes. I am calling because we have not received payment from your insurance company for services we provided for you last December and January. We keep calling every month. I have spoken to someone named Patricia at the insurance company. (She babbled on for awhile about not getting their money.) When we don't receive payment after this long we have to get the patient involved and that will speed things up. If we don't receive payment we are going to have to send you a bill for these services and you will have to pay it.

Me:You really need to speak with my case manager S.D. (initialed to protect the privacy of said Insurance Goddess). She knows all about me and my case and who gets paid what and so on. She is who you need to call. (I gave her the number but she seemed very uninterested in calling S.D. herself. She announced she would call Patricia back tomorrow. I told her to do whatever she liked.) Oh, by the way, just out of curiousity how much do you say I owe you?

Infusal Moron: $9,497.10.

Me: (Laughing loudly) Well good luck to you! You aren't going to get $9,497.10 from me because I just don't have it.

Infusal Moron:Yes. I understand you probably don't have the money but I am obligated to inform you that it will be your responsibility if your insurance doesn't pay us immediately.

Me: (still laughing) Yeah. Whatever. I will give S.D. a call so she can laugh at you too.

Click.

I called S.D. immediately to ask her how she was and tell her that I was fine until five minutes before now. She asked if I had just opened my daily mail or something. I said, no I haven't even gotten to that yet, this was a phone call. It seems suddenly I owe Infusal nearly $9,500.00. She said "Of course you do!" Because well, I owe everyone thousands of dollars it seems. Then she laughed at my little story and and added that it would do them no good to bill me as I would just stick it in an envelope and hand it to her anyway (as I have been directed to do, by her, of course). I agreed. I gave her Infusal Morons name and number and she told me she would take care of it and that they weren't entitled to some of the dates of service the moron had given me to begin with and stated that if I needed anything else not to hesitate to call and to take care. I love her. She has made my life so much easier. I think I will buy her a present. I can't right now, Disney Pervert got all my money until payday. Maybe someday when I become Whendoleen the Millionare.

Posted by gwendolyn on July 08, 2003 at 04:26 PM