Why Is There No Ecoslutwear?

The hardest part of being me is figuring out how to handle the parts of me that cancel each other out. For example, I was saving up all my recent Ebay earnings to pay for the lovely extremely ecofriendly hemp sheets and blankets that I want. The ones that match my extremely nice shower curtain and bathmat. I had scored quite an impressive stack of coins last week and was well on my way to having them. Then Friday came.

At the insistance of one monkey I swung by what will now forever be known as The Evil Mall to pick up a certain pair of Sugarmelon lace boyshorts from VS. Yes, it went against all of my better judgement but I will say that I do feel particularly naughty in them. Anyway, I got a little carried away and came home with a big bag of Pretty and a very very evil brand new VS charge account. I know! Someone please save me from myself.

I got drawn in by the VS ladies with their forked tongues and batting lashes. They convinced me that I spend enough money in there that I may as well open an account and get all of the perks that come with spending large amounts of the bank's money in there. Perks such as $75.00 worth of free merchandise upon opening the account. Now I pondered this idea a whole two minutes. Then I figured maybe I could just have it long enough to get the freebies and then close the account. Yeah. That's what I'll do...

In the meantime, let me just get this cute little pink and black merrywidow with the garters that really really makes me grin because I feel particularly girly today and I don't have anything pink, and the matching ruffled thong, and the pink satiny bra that matches that with the black trim and bows, and the black satiny version with pink seams and bows that matches all of the other stuff in the set and really floats my boat, and the black thigh highs with the backseam and the lace with heart patterns at the top, and of course, a Sugarmelon bra to match the boyshorts. Uh huh. Yeah.

Mercy. What the hell was I thinking?

Oh yeah and the evening wouldn't have been complete without my very first shopping trip to The Spice Of Life, solo even. Which was both entertaining and creepy all at the same time. They're hiring. I wonder if you get an employee discount. Some of the guys in there were just entirely too creepy. No, I don't think so.

Then I stopped by KFC to bring him home a box of biscuits, because you know, sometimes you just have the munchies for the weirdest things and you really need to get that taken care of and no one is going back out in the middle of the night. If you are going to mess up your entire deal you might as well do it right.

I walked through the door with the strangest combination of loot a person could imagine. It made for an interesting Friday night.

So I felt so completely wrong about the whole credit card thing that I got out of bed at like two o'clock in the morning and paid it nearly completely off with my Paypal account. I hate being spontaneous and responsible all at the same time.

My cozy, tranquil, relaxing, ecofriendly, makes me feel serene bed is now a drawer full of undoubtedly chemical ladden, undoubtedly sweatshop produced lingerie that will undoubtedly get me laid steadily for the next several weeks, but just not in my dream bed.

Posted by gwendolyn on April 14, 2003 at 12:12 AM