One Down, Two To Go

Today was part one of this three part nightmare. Today I went in for my gastrografin enema and my pulmonary embolism CT Scan. I really don't want to rehash the torment and torture of it so I will just say...I went in for the xray calm and giving myself little silent pep talks about being tough and Queen of the Fuckin Universe and all. It wasn't nearly as bad as I remember the first one being. Still, it wasn't an experience I care to repeat.

The next part will be harder than this one and a lot less hard than the third one. In seven days I will be going in for the Flexible Sigmoidoscopy. This could potentially put another hole in my colon and start the whole Groundhog Day effect over again. I will be sedated but not under. This doesn't comfort me. It means I will know and feel what is going on and be absolutely mute and immobile. So I am pretty unhappy with having this step to take. When the doctors tell you that you won't remember procedures, they aren't always right.

Then four days later I will go in for The Big One. I have to get through step two before I can even start considering the impact of that.

I most likely have a hernia from the pressure of my coughing fits. They can't repair it now anyway and it won't matter for much longer as they are going in to carve it all up again in two weeks. Somehow I don't feel very relieved about that.

Posted by gwendolyn on February 20, 2003 at 12:41 AM