We are back. Actually, we got back yesterday morning due to the super duper power driving skills of one Mr. Monkey. It was a very nice getaway. Loaded with relaxation, beautiful scenery and family bonding. It was even dotted with generous portions of romantic interludes, running around the side of a mountain naked a majority of the time and high speed x-ratedness on our parts and on the parts of others we happened to witness (no matter what Mr. Monkey would lead you to believe), fortunately we were a little more stealthy about it than they were.

We visited a few cool places during the week including a working village on the Cherokee reservation and the Cherohala Skyway and the Ripley's Aquarium in Gatlinburg. However, it was a slow paced sort of thing. It didn't end quite the way I had intended for it to. We ended up leaving a night early and making a fast stop in Ohio to see the immediate family. We didn't have a ton of time to visit everyone we would have liked to. It was sort of a quick impromptu thing which ended up taking about twelve hours of extra driving time and adding on a hundred dollars or so to the expenses, not to mention losing a couple hundred dollars by leaving our cabin early after already having paid for that last night. There is really no point in dwelling on that though. We had a good trip and the cost is now something we must deal with. Which brings me to my next line of thinking.

For a very long time I have been coming up with really good long term financial plans to pay off our debts and have really meant to stick to these plans. I have written tons of posts about all of my good intentions, to the point of drilling the issue into the ground. That is okay though because this is the place for me to vent about such things. I won't accomplish it unless I obsess about it. That is just the way things work in my world.

As it goes, we always get focused and start out doing really well and making tons of progress. Then we start getting comfortable in the fact that we have made a dent in the balance and after a while we get to a point where we get lazy or greedy and screw it all up again. It is like two steps forward and three steps backward in a constant cycle. Recently, I have gone against everything I have worked toward and let myself dive into a period of extremely irresponsible spending. A month or so ago when conversations began about what we were going to do for our anniversary I was pretty convinced we should just stay home and save money. I slipped up and let myself get really carried away with the whole idea of a real vacation. Hence, the trip, the pretty frilly things for the trip, and the list goes on. I am not dwelling though, primarily because we needed this trip in so many ways. I have absolutely no regrets about doing it. In fact, it will probably help me stay focused on the tasks at hand now. Now is the time where we come back to reality and get a grip on this beast again. Which makes things difficult because...

Christmas is coming up. In recent years we have spent tons of money at Christmas. It goes against everything we know is right to spend thousands of dollars on gifts just because it is a certain day of the year. So why do we keep doing it? I will tell you why. It is because I am (I really think it is a we thing but I can't speak for him), in some instances, extremely shallow and greedy and materialistic and when the opportunity came that we could swing it, we did. The first time is all it takes. The first year that we could come up with the money for all the expensive and popular trinkets we all wanted we did, and boy do you get a rush when you go hog wild. The next year we felt the need to keep up the pace and even topping what we did the year before even when we didn't have the money to do so. We don't want to disappoint anyone. We want it to be even bigger and better. We don't want the children to wonder why they don't have everything their little hearts desire under that tree even when we ask them and they say they really don't know what they want. We want their eyes to sparkle and their excitement to fill up the room when they wake up on Christmas morning.

In my head I know that teaching them to expect such things is flat out wrong on so many levels. Just like it is wrong to grind my teeth when I hear one of their little voices asking if there are more presents to open when the wrapping paper and bows have all been torn off and the thrill of the Christmas morning frenzy starts winding down. It isn't their fault they are learning to expect endless stacks of gifts. It is ours. We don't teach them the importance of the act of giving which is the idea behind the gifts. By our example we teach them to be greedy. However, now that I think about it, I don't think it would make a bit of difference to them what is in the wrapping paper and bows. My children would be just as happy with rocks and sticks wrapped up in sparkly paper and bows, as they are with brand new computers and the other stuff they have accumulated. I think it is our misconception that the cost of the gifts our children open is of any importance. We are the ones who think they need the expensive cool toys. The children don't have any idea what things cost yet, nor do they really care.

Every year I start thinking about how we are still trying to dig ourselves out of the previous year of Christmas shopping debt. Every year I manage to let myself sink lower into it by adding to the balance. It has to stop. This worries Mr. Monkey. He doesn't want the children to have a bad Christmas. I know how he feels but I am really thinking that the best thing we could do for our children in the long run is skip the high priced trinkets and pay off our debt so that eventually we can buy a house with a yard for them to be able to play in. Someday I would like for them to know what real grass is. Someday I would like for them to be able to take ten steps away from the house without me worrying that they are going to be stolen or shot or something. Eventually, I would like for them to be able to take music lessons or participate in outside activities like everyone else. We can't afford to pay for any of those things until we wise up and get rid of the financial burdens. Period.

So what do we do about Christmas this year then? Judging by their complete lack of materialism you would think this would not be an issue with us. I could probably collect enough rocks, acorns, leaves and flowers to fill plenty of boxes to wrap up. I am positive that this would delight them as they absolutely filled my pockets, purse, compartments in the van, cabin and every other nook and cranny they could find with such items over the last week and were devastated to find that I had disposed of several stinky wilted wild flowers that were hiding in a wet wipe container in the van. Now would be the time to start planning a different approach to the whole thing. I would like to do something with a little more meaning, a little less commercialism, a little more thinking outside of the box. I am not saying that we should not give them anything for Christmas. I am saying we shouldn't spend thousands of dollars. Now I just need to convince him of that and then stick to it.

Posted by gwendolyn on September 22, 2002 at 06:02 PM