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In a week I will be monkeyless for six long days. I already miss him just because I know it is coming and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. My mother and sister are coming to visit. I hope that I will be so busy that the days fly by. It is anything between 6p.m. and 6a.m. that will be the hardest. It isn't good for your mental health to actually have a husband that tells you he loves you several times a day and comes home every single night and spoons with you when you sleep and rubs your feet really softly when you watch a movie. It causes horrible depression and withdrawl symptoms at their absence.

In other news, the on again off again surgery for August is now currently on in my brain. Simply because I am having problems that don't seem to be going away anytime soon. I also think, considering my track record lately with them, it would be insurance suicide to try to suddenly change doctors and cancel the surgery should I have to have it somewhere else with someone else after it has already been pre-certified and approved and scheduled once. I am pretty sure that the doctor won't be in there alone with me so I don't think I have to worry about that aspect of it. Not to mention it will be incredibly hard to explain to a different doctor exactly what is wrong with me when there is no medical name for what occured and no real good solid reason why a woman with no uterus is having the problems I am having. Then there is that little concern about my tendency to want to just bleed to death too. This doctor knows me. He has had to save me once already. I know he has some experience not letting me die. He will be prepared to deal with me should I try to leave my body. He has already stated so. He also is so suspicious of me that he has okay'd an overnight stay with the insurance company so that should I try anything funny my ass will be covered this time. Another thing, I have already covered my deductible, copayment and out of pocket max for the year. If I go starting over with another doctor I run the risk of getting into the new year and having to start over again with all of that. With all that considered, I think I will just get it over with.

Posted by gwendolyn on July 12, 2002 at 11:21 AM