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Scream


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Kicking Up Our Heels, Literally
Just To Be Near You
It's All Good (Even Nog Sans Rum)


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OTHER VOICES


MISCELLANEOUS
Webcam

I haven't had much to say. Mostly, I am okay one minute and freaking out the next. Spending my days enjoying scrutinizing every little penny that is coming in and going out. Meticulously planning future attacks on my credit card debt, estimating a way to speed up a date for my financial freedom one minute, feeling that there may not be a future and obssessing that we may all die by morning the next. Normal me stuff. I am starting to accept that this is my personality. Fucked up as it may be. I guess I always thought I came through the shithole that was my life up to now pretty much unscathed and maybe a little stronger for having survived it. Obviously not. It just so happens that my emerging tendencies are even making the people whom I viewed as "a little off" worried. Tonight around 10ish, I wanted to take Hope to the ER because she has a strange welt like rash on her bootie that has been bothering her for about a week now. Suddenly, it looks like it is getting much worse (possibly because she has scratched herself up now). What I had blown off for the past few days is of dire emergency now. Are there any skin irritation symptoms for Anthrax or the West Nile Virus? What other biological or chemical deadly thing could it be that would make my baby's bootie red and swollen and itchy? Yes, these are the things running through my head. Yes, I will be searching all night for possible causes. I even considered taking a picture of it to send to my mother so she could tell me it was horrible enough to take her in.

Now you know... when you make the crazy people nervous there is something not quite right. It is a good thing that someone already loves me because if I had to be perpetually worried and was still single and doing that whole thing, trying to bag a man and all that jazz, I am sure this paranoia/depression thing would be a total turnoff. Yeah, it is a good thing my monkey already suspected I was nuts before hand :)

We are being very good little budget following tightwads. We made it through a whole weekend without impulsive shopping and wasting gas. We were more conservative at the grocery (although we could have lived without the frozen Red Baron Pizzas and the cheese curls). I even fought off the urge to make a slew of long distance telephone calls. I have discovered that our phone bill is one of the largest monthly expenses we have, and yet I am the only one who ever calls anyone. Hmmmmmmm. So all y'all need to learn the value of email and Instant Messenger and get online more often so I can rant and freak out on you via type instead because I am officially grounding myself from making any long distance calls for awhile. No offense intended. Those of you who know me also know how hard I am trying to get out of debtor's prison here. I am totally rocking at it right now in a HUGE way. The big payday better get here soon. I am downright tired of thinking about it. So I won't. I will just keep on keeping on. Every little thing we are doing is helping. I have to keep that in focus.

Posted by gwendolyn on October 08, 2001 at 12:43 AM