Did I say Hell? Hell doesn't even begin to describe it...

Yesterday, I got an earlier appointment for my Monkey with a Rheumatologist (as prescribed by the ER physician). I promptly got everyone ready and took him to it. While I was waiting for him in the van with the three little people, I rescued an old lady who had tripped over a storm drain and fallen in a puddle on the street. I covered her up with blankets, held an umbrella over her, talked to her, patted her arm, kept her calm, and convinced her that she really didn't want me to help her move (all while sitting by her side in a mud puddle in the pouring rain) for almost twenty minutes until the paramedics and her husband arrived and took her away. Her husband later returned to move her car to the hospital parking lot and told me that they believed she fractured her hip. When I got back into my van my little people told me that I must write what happened down because it was a very important event. I had hoped that they learned what it means to be kind, helpful and compassionate from watching it all. Mostly they just discussed whether or not the lady fell because she was missing a leg (she had both legs). That was just my four year old's theory because from her vantage point she couldn't see one of the legs that was bent under the lady's body because she couldn't move it. Kids...

The monkey has to go for many more tests. He is swollen, changing colors, fevered and in pain. Today they took five vials of blood from him for the thirteen blood tests that have to be performed. He has to have a chest x-ray (because of the doctor noticing his heart beating fast), an EKG, and a bone scan with some radioactive stuff injected into his blood at the hospital over the next few days. Then on Tuesday it is back to the doctor. We still don't know what is wrong. But he is back on steroids indefinitely.

The chaos of the week made me lose track of time. I have been so busy, so exhausted, so mentally and physically drained. I don't know if it is from the Cinderella routine or the worrying. Either way, I realized this morning that my rent was overdue. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Some people go through stressful things without blinking an eye. They never grow weak or weary from dealing with complex life issues. Some people could be in my shoes right now and never break a sweat. I envy them. I am not one of those people.

I called the office. I told them about the situation and how I hadn't realized that I missed paying on time. They were neither compassionate nor understanding. There is a no exception to the late fee rule. I had to pay the $75.00 per day late fee regardless of how many times I had sat in the ER this week, regardless that I am acting pretty much as a single parent of three children and nursemaid to a sick man, regardless that I was trying to find time to not be rude to my out of town guests during all of this. I was sort of hoping for a little good Karma action to come my way. Maybe I don't have any good Karma coming to me. No one owes me any breaks, and it was my own fault. It just seems so unfair because they won't accept my payment more than two to three days before it is due, and I would gladly have paid it on the day I wrote the check. So I had been holding the rent check for May since April 8th. Somehow, the 1st came and went and I was oblivious to my irresponsibility until this morning. I had a small nervous breakdown as I went to the bank to get the cashiers check that they requested (if you are late you have to pay that way), and then again in the office while trying to hurry and give them my money and leave.

For the few moments that I found my voice to speak, I convinced them that my month wasn't getting any easier and that they should take my rent check for June along with this months payment because I didn't want that to happen again. Seeing my obvious lack of composure this morning, they agreed. I apologized and left.

I took a candle light bubble bath and drank a big steaming mug of Suisse Mocha coffee this afternoon hoping to calm myself down a bit. It was cut very short by the sound of two little people fighting like cats in their room over some silly little toy and my oldest little person constantly tapping on the bathroom door. I hope tomorrow is better.

Posted by gwendolyn on May 04, 2001 at 04:17 PM